


Villains On My Mind

by Writerall



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angry Kylo Ren, Dominant Kylo Ren, Drama & Romance, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Light Angst, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-01-30 06:57:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 27,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12648477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writerall/pseuds/Writerall
Summary: Earth is at war with the First Order. Ana is walking home from a night out and runs into a strange tall man, dressed in black. Later, he kidnaps her and takes her to his ship as a prisoner, but things don't go according to either of their plan.--------------------His free hand moves so that my jaw is cupped firmly in his gloved palm, and his eyes drill so deeply into mine that I can feel my knees starting to give in. He strokes the side of my mouth with the pad of his covered thumb, and his hungry eyes move onto my lips. He moves his hand onto my shoulder to shove me backward roughly. I barely keep my balance and thump against the wall, with a quiet wince.I look up at him with a racing heart."Scared now?" He has a wicked look in his darkened eyes.I tilt my chin up as a way of answering to him.He presses his gloved hand above my heart, and there is no doubt in my mind that he can feel my racing heart. And I feel an unexplained pull to him, so strong it would scare me if it wasn't 3 AM and I didn't feel lonely.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'll go down with this ship, and I don't care. If you like this, please leave kudos/comment, it keeps me inspired <3 Thank you anyway for reading!!

This is why I don't drink. I forgot. I haven't drunk for months and now my friends peer pressured me into going out -- for once -- so I forgot. I forgot that I get depressed as hell as soon as the peak of alcohol wears off and I'm somewhere in the middle of buzzed and sober.

The streets are pretty much empty, only a few soldiers leisurely surveying the streets. The war had started a couple months ago. I try to memorize everything, so someday I can tell my grandkids about how I survived an extraterrestrial civilization's invasion of Earth. But I can't think about it too much or I'll start feeling the panic closing in. So far, New York has remained intact. _So far._ There have been a few unidentified vessels crossing over New York but they haven't done anything here. In California, there's been some attacks and deaths but... _nothing like London or Sydney._

I pass two soldiers carrying rifles. I'll never get used to seeing that. I give them a polite nod. Empty again. Orange hue from the streetlights above me cast shadows onto dirty Brooklyn streets. The sky above me is dark. Moonless night.

I hear my high heels echoing back to me from vacant alleys. It's early September, but New York City is still enjoying a heatwave (or suffering if you ask someone else). I twirl to make my go-to sundress flow around me, it's sticking unpleasantly to my legs. It has a fairly deep cleavage but my boobs aren't big so it doesn't look like I up-and-displayed them. I continue walking slowly, enjoying the silence. It's calming. Feels like it recognizes the storm in my head, and wraps me in a soothing blanket. _The city gets it._

_"It's wartime, Ana!"_ I hear Jess' voice echoing from a memory earlier today. _"You don't know how long we're going to live. Come on, just come with us! You'll have fun, I promise. Hunky soldiers are going to be there, and I know you're not about to tell me you don't like uniforms. They're sexy as hell and you know it."_

So I said yes. It's a tough argument. But I still ended up walking the streets home afterward, feeling blue. I know I get like this because I miss company. I like being alone but I don't like being lonely, and I've been lonely a lot lately. I have friends, but it's different. It's a different kind of company, and I've been looking for that different kind for a while now. And with the war now, I don't think I'll be finding it anytime soon. There are more pressing matters at hand.

I misstep and almost tumble down. _Shit. Really, Ana?_ I let out a groan, lean against the pee-smelling brick wall and take off my heels. I feel the coarse asphalt under my bare feet, but I figure it's better than a broken ankle. I take a moment and rest my head against the uneven wall. I can feel my dress clinging to my skin. I look up in the sky. Starless night, too many city lights.

I lift my head and notice a man had appeared from behind a corner. He's walking toward me about a block away. I could tell he didn't have a helmet on. _Not a soldier._ I try not to stare but I'm slightly drunk and he's very tall with the kind of an assertive grace to his movements that makes me intrigued. It's dark but every time his form passes a street lamp, I can get a glimpse of his face. _Pale._

He's getting closer. I push myself off the brick wall and resume walking, trying to cloak myself in an air of confidence. I cross my purse over my body and clasp the high heels in my hand. _You never know._

As he passes me our gazes fix on each other. I instinctively shy away, something about him firing up my boozed out reflexes.

_Oh hell._

He was attractive. Like chiseled stone, long face. A combination of different proportions, coming together as oddly handsome. A bit strangely dressed though. It sort of looked like black robes. But it was all black, including his long, wavy hair so I couldn't really get a proper look. Maybe he was coming from a costume party.

I trip again and step into something sharp, my counteractive move not being very graceful, causing me to support myself with a building wall again. I drop my heels and examine my right foot. Damn it. There's blood. Not a lot, but enough to make me concerned that I might've stepped on a piece of broken glass. I just hope it's not deep inside my foot. Even the thought of it already grosses me out. _How am I ever going to survive if New York gets attacked?_

"Are you okay?" I hear a deep voice. I turn my head to look and with eyes wide I realize it's the man in black.

_Damn it he's handsome_. I tuck my short brown hair behind my ear. I don't know why I'm nervous to speak to him, I feel stupid. I've talked to handsome guys before. This one I guess just seems to have an... aura, around him, it makes me feel all nervous and stupid.

"Y-yeah. Yeah. I'm alright." I reply awkwardly. _Could that have sounded any giddier, Ana!?_

"You're bleeding." He says flatly and points at my foot. His fingers are covered in black leather gloves. Even though there's like 85 degrees right now.

The man is just a couple feet away from me now and I try to straighten myself. To at least fake looking like I can defend myself. Then I glimpse at my exposed chicken arms. They look like twigs. He could probably break my arms, as easily as a twig, too.

"Uh, yeah. I think I just stepped on a sharp rock, it doesn't really hurt," I respond as I run my gaze over his dark figure. _Good? Bad? Maybe evil?_ I think I'm just thinking that because of his costume, I shouldn't be so judgy. He doesn't seem like a serial killer. But then again, neither did Ted Bundy.

The man gazes around him. Appearing to assess surroundings. His black hair is shiny under the orange hue. His eyes are as dark as the starless sky over us. I can't stop looking.

"Is this a bad neighborhood?" He asks bluntly. I just gawk at him back. _Clearly not from here._

I shrug. "Yeah, you could say so." I've lived here for four years, I've learned to manage. I took self-defense classes, so I feel somewhat okay walking here at 3 AM. Also, I've kind of made friends with this one gang leader called 'Die Slow' -- _yes that's his name_ \--, and he looks after me. (I'm pretty sure last week he offered to 'take care' of a guy that was pissing me of.) And now with the war, there are soldiers doing their rounds even in this neighborhood. Although, granted, not as often as in the better ones. I've been fighting on that by the way, I've managed to get them do a couple more rounds in in a day by gathering signatures and bombing the military Facebook page.

He glares at me. Then at my foot. I set it down to try and show him that I'm okay, but a small cry escapes my throat as I do so. _Way to be a damsel in distress, Ana._

He takes a deep breath and gazes at the sky. "I'll walk you home."

My eyes widen. "O-oh, no, you really don't have to I-"

He cuts me off by offering me his arm to grab onto. I look at him and my drunken lonely heart takes over.

"Okay." I hear a quiet reply slipping from my lips, and I wrap my arm around his. The material of his tunic is rough underneath my skin, but his arm feels oddly comforting. He straightens his back and he's even taller than I thought, my head is barely grazing his shoulder.

We start walking and I'm leaning on him heavily. He doesn't seem to notice it at all. He feels like a statue made of rock.

"Why gloves?" I inquire.

He looks at his big hands. Then fists them and the leather makes a noise as he does so.

"For work." Clearly uninterested in continuing the topic. So I don't reply.

"Why are you out so late?" He asks me. He sounds more interested than disapproving.

"Peer pressure." I sigh.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, "I clear my throat awkwardly, "I just hadn't gone out for a while and my friends convinced me. Saying how I'm still young and whatnot with the war, and blah blah."

"You don't like going out?" He said 'going out' like it was a weird name on his tongue. But the strange man keeps looking into my eyes so intensely that my breathing gets caught in my throat.

"No, no I-I do I just don't really like clubs and drinking but the clubs suck even more if you don't drink so... Anyway it was okay I just it's just not really my thing. Anymore." I realize I had started blabbering and stop myself. I can't stop the sudden hotness from creeping up to my cheeks though.

"You don't want to drink?" He asks and the full weight of his attention settles on me. I'm not sure why a man like him cares why I don't want to drink. It almost feels like he's trying to study me. It's daunting. I somehow have the feeling that not many people get his full attention like this.

"Well, I did. But now I just sort of get a bit depressed after." _And there it is_. I had just blurted the truth. I feel the heat darkening on my cheeks, as I know I revealed too much to this man who seems like he has ice running through his veins. He also appears older than me, I think around thirty, and I feel like a silly teenager with a crush all of a sudden. Even though I'm not, I'm twenty-three but to him, that must feel like a teenager.

"You're drunk now." It wasn't a question.

"I mean- yes. No. Tipsy. I'd say tipsy." _Stop acting like a teenager!_

He casts a glance down at me and I feel like he's seeing straight into my mind. His dark eyes are so piercing I feel naked all of a sudden. But then I think I see a faint curl of a smirk appearing on his full lips and for a fleeting moment, I feel better.

"You're staring." He says after a moment.

_Whoops_. I didn't realize I was. _Stop it, Ana!_ And if he doesn't like being stared at, he can let me get home by myself then. But instead, here he is, helping me limp home.

"I didn't say I didn't like it." He says, with a ghost of a smirk. 

The moon is a hazy smear behind the clouds. And so is my mind, since I just though the man next to me answered something I thought I hadn't said out loud. There's _no way._ I'm drunker than I thought _._ I must've said it out loud. Then, an all too familiar staircase comes into view. No Die Slow and his gang tonight. Usually, they hang at the staircase across the street.

I slow to a stop and turn to look at him. "Well, thank you. I definitely got here a lot more painlessly than I would've without you."

He lets my hand down and keeps looking up and down at my apartment building. Then a frown forms on his face.

" _This_ is where you live?" He glances at me disdainfully.

I scowl at him back. "Uh, excuse me, if my apartment building offends you but it does the job just fine for me."

He keeps looking at me and the building. Still frowning disapprovingly.

"I don't see me judging your choice of an outfit so perhaps hold off on the judgment, okay, _Sir?_ " I grunt at him and start walking toward the front door, thinking that I don't have to stand here and take his disapproving frowns. Overreaction? Very likely. But I'm tipsy, or maybe a little more than tipsy, and lonely, so I gather my resolution and turn away from him to my door. I start rattling the keys in the lock. _Damn it door, don't do this to me now._

"How are you going to get up to your apartment?" I hear him asking behind me.

"That's not for you to worry!" I snap at him and hit the door frustrated. It finally opens. _Ha!_

I step inside and jerk to a stop. I immediately feel dumb. I live on the fifth floor. It's a pre-war building –-no elevator. And I still can't put any weight on my foot.

A hand appears to support my elbow.

"Fifth floor," I mumble and we start climbing the narrow staircase up. His hand against my bare skin feels more intoxicating than I'd care for. I can only imagine what it would feel like if he didn't have those damn gloves on. We climb up in silence.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading <3 If you liked this chapter please leave me kudos, I'd love you for it forever.


	2. Chapter 2

 

By the time we reach the fifth floor, I start regretting my outburst. Just a little. My building isn't the prettiest one on the block after all. It's quite hideous actually if I'm being completely honest. But it's New York City, so that's what I get when I can't afford to pay more than $1900 a month for a studio. (And even this is a steal, trust me. I only got it because I've made a small name for myself in local politics growing up in Brooklyn.) But it's like I said to the man walking me up now, it does the job. I only sleep here.

I walk up to the end of the hallway, stopping at my door. I turn around to look at him and note that he looks ridiculously big in the narrow and crooked hallway. And very out of place. I also notice he's observing me, intently.

"Have you calmed down?"

I swallow my temper. I will not embarrass myself in front of him any more than I already have.

So instead, I just turn around to open my door.

"Why is there a number on all the other doors, except for yours?" The man behind me asks.

"Oh," Well this is awkward. "Crazy ex."

He doesn't say anything. I'm thankful for that, I'd rather not take that trip down the memory lane. I feel his hot gaze wandering on my back, and I'm not ready for the intimidating man with the mysterious eyes in my hallway to leave just yet. So, I push my creaking door open all the way and walk into my kitchen.

I'm a little ashamed suddenly about the state my apartment is in. I feel like he's the type of person whose apartment doesn't have a single speck of dust in it. My school books are splayed out everywhere, on every surface there is -- which isn't a lot by the way -- along with papers and notes and dirty coffee mugs. _The place doesn't have a lot of storage space either, alright?_

He trails me inside. Again, crowding the space by just standing there. I guess he's forced to live in nicer buildings, he wouldn't fit in half of the old apartments in New York City.

"You study politics?" His eyes travel over my kitchen.

Then they land on me. I wonder what conclusions he made.

"Political science. " I correct.

He nods to himself, seeming as if he approves. He slides his fingers on top of the books, opening a couple and quickly eyeing the pages as he hastily flips them. Gazing some of the notes. Like a detective.

He gets closer.

My gut tightens.

"You're not even vaguely concerned that you opened your door just like that, to a stranger?" He asks, narrowing his raven black eyes at me.

I stare at him. Tall and looming over me. This is the first time I'm able to see him in a better light, and I find myself thinking about his lips on mine. _Would they feel as soft against mine as they look?_ He cocks his eyebrow, and I realize I hadn't answered his question.

I tip my chin up, defiantly. "Well, I guess I just figured if you wanted to murder me, you already would've."

He moves so quickly that it forces a gasp out of my lungs. The energy surrounding him is still undeniably... daunting, and now that energy has engulfed me. He emits an air of authority, and his height alone is already doing half the job. Right now, I was starting to feel more and more like a mouse and him like a hawk.

_A hawk whose claws I wanted to feel on my skin._

"Are you not afraid of me?" My heart pounds harder. Maybe I am being reckless. But there is still a haze that tastes like cucumber margaritas over my judgment, and I realize I feel alive for the first time in a long time.

"I didn't know that I should," I answer frankly. The air is suddenly thick between us. And I can't believe the pull I feel for him. It's been a while since I've felt anything for a guy, and the last time I did, well. It didn't end so well. Right now, the only thing that scares me is the strong, electric tug swirling in my chest.

He takes a menacing step toward me and closes the little safety I had between us. His chest is only inches away from my nose and my heart is pounding so wildly in my chest, that I'm afraid he can hear it.

I feel his leather covered fingers snaking into my hair, slowly grabbing a fistful and I shiver at how good it feels, trying little to hide it.

He tugs my hair, tilting my head back. My breathing is getting shallower. He studies my face with his intense midnight eyes, taking me in.

"That's the first time I've heard that in a long time." His dark eyes flare up and his voice rumbles low on his chest.

 _Excuse me?_ A slow feeling of alarm starts to take root.

His free hand moves so that my jaw is cupped firmly in his gloved palm, and his eyes drill so deeply into mine that I can feel my knees starting to give in. He strokes the side of my mouth with the pad of his covered thumb, and his hungry eyes move onto my lips. He moves his hand down onto my shoulder to shove me backward roughly. I thump against the wall. A little yelp slips from me.

I look up at him with a racing heart.

"Scared now?" He has a wicked look in his darkened eyes.

Throat tight, I tilt my chin up as a way of answering to him.

He presses his gloved hand above my heart, and there is no doubt in my mind that he can feel my racing heart. And I feel an inexplicit pull to him, so strong it would scare me if it wasn't 3 AM and I didn't feel lonely.

Suddenly, his expression changes. He drops his hand from my chest and I feel a pang of fear. _Lord help us_.

He takes a step back, his motion rough and angry, toward the door that I realize was left open. He straightens his back, and I can almost see the air darken around him. "I have to leave." He states with a hardened voice that startles me, evaporating the fogginess lust has surrounded my mind in.

He turns to go and disappears out of the doorway as fast as he came in. I finally get my legs to obey and run out, only to see him stalking fast toward the stairs, looking like a giant in the tiny hallway with faded out green paint and a flowing cape covering the man's back. I watch him disappear behind a corner but just before he does, he shoots his head toward me and glances at me. All I can do is stare back dumbfounded. And then he's gone.

Silence.

 _Did it even happen?_ The only evidence I hold is the wildly beating heart in my chest. I stagger back into my apartment, slowly closing the door and leaning against it. I realize I don't even know his name. I knock the side of my head. _Stupid! You could've gotten yourself killed!_

As the lust has left -- and the cucumber margaritas -- I realize my friends were right. I do have a type.

_I'm well acquainted with villains in my bed. And he is absolutely a villain._


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

"HELLO MISS!"

I snap out of it when I discover a furious woman in front of my reception desk. _Damn it._ Between my night school and work, the ongoing war and the strange man in my kitchen, at 3 AM a couple nights ago, I haven't really slept. I love studying political science, but man is it expensive. And man do I have to work a lot to cover tuition.

Also, back to the man. Even though it was irritating that I couldn't stop thinking about the unusual encounter, I should admit it's a welcomed distraction. With the war usually occupying all my already limited time, I don't mind thinking about his black eyes instead of the death toll that keeps mounting.

"MISS!"

I get startled and I stand up swiftly. "Hi, yes, yes. I'm sorry. How may I help you, ma'am?"

The elderly woman gives me an irritated glare and then proceeds: "Listen, _young lady_ , I understand that there is a war going on, but we still have to keep doing our jobs. Despite it. Now, I have a meeting with Peter Cass at 2 PM."

"Yes, of course, ma'am, I'll let Mr. Cass know right away. What was your name ma'am?"

"Evelyn Gage." She says and plops down in one of the uncomfortable designer chairs in the lobby.

I call Mr. Cass, but there is no answer. I try again. He's one of the most central people in the tech giant company I work at, and usually, he answers right away. I decide to call the other lobby to see if there had been a mistake and Mr. Cass is waiting for his guest in there.

There is no answer either.

Then I hear it. Distant screaming outside.

 _Shit. It's happening_.

I look out the windows and see people running. Mr. Cass's guest is now looking outside too. I try the lobby three more times, fearing my worst nightmare has come true. I'm about to hang up when someone picks up.

"THEY'RE HERE!" That someone yells at the phone hysterically, then the line goes silent. I listen to the mute line for a moment, not wanting to wrap my head around the reality I was hoping, irrationally, would never come.

"Is it..." Mrs. Gage starts out standing up shakily, "is it happening?"

I gulp. A cold sweat has appeared on my brow. I find myself unable to scramble my thoughts into coherent words. So, I nod.

She lets out a blood stopping scream. A tank rolls on the street behind the enormous floor-to-ceiling window. And she bolts for the door.

"No, Mrs., Evelyn it's safer inside!" I shout at her receding back.

She turns around with pure terror flashing in her eyes, panting so hard she can barely get words out of her mouth. "Haven't you heard about Sydney! I'm not waiting around like some bait! I'm going home!"

And so, I'm alone in the big lobby. I can hear explosions around me. Things shake on my desk. I look up and see dust falling from a fresh crack in the ceiling. My hands are trembling and I'm not sure I remember how to breathe normally anymore. _Shit fuck shit. I should get out of here. Mrs. Evelyn is right. Fuck it._

I try to call Jess to see if she's okay first, but the line is dead. I guess they cut the lines.

For a moment, a relief I've never quite like felt before about it washes over me. _I'm glad my parents passed away._ They lived right where I see black smoke coming from, above the buildings. They would've probably-

_No. Shut up, Ana. I don't want to think about it._

I decide that it's better if I leave. I'm not sure where yet, but I'll figure it out on the way. It's better to do something that nothing, even if it's just for the sake of the illusion of feeling safer. I pack up my purse with whatever I think might be useful. Pens, two granola bars I forgot were in the desk drawer, an umbrella, and finally I take my grey blazer off the back of my chair.

I stare out the window. I see people hunched under restaurant patio tables, trees, lurching in corners and alleys. Then I hear a massive _boom_. I duck as the ceiling dusts worryingly on me. Screams erupt, and car alarms go off. It doesn't sound like it's too far away. _Fuck. I should go, now._

I run out the steel door toward a subway station that's about seven blocks back. My un-stretching grey trousers with pleats on them prove to be challenging to run in. Also, the high heels aren't of any help. _Damn office wear ethic._

I aim for the corner of Lexington an 3rd, a green line. I take the green line daily, I know where the tunnel goes. It's not likely that the train would be running, even though it's deep underground, but I could use the tunnels to run safely away from the center of the attack. I should be fine there if I just watch the third rail.

I advance a block before I see it _. The black-winged ship_.

I feel like someone just slammed the air out of my lungs.

 _Shit_. _We're as good as dead._

I take refuge behind a corner, peeking to see the thing flying closer. The ship looks like it's at least hundred and fifty feet long, with those terrifying angular black wings. I lean against the wall to catch my breath. I'm out of shape and my feet are already aching from the heels. They're meant for sitting, hardly for even walking.

"H-hey, are you okay?"

I yelp as I hear a faint voice coming from right next to me.

"Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you. Sorry." She utters. A girl. I think around fourteen, with huge coffee eyes and blood smeared across her face, crouching behind dumpsters like a scared animal.

"Hey! Yes. Yeah, I'm okay." I reply, and I crouch down to her level. "How about you?"

She shakes her head, and a tear slides down her blood-stained cheek. "M-my dad, h-he got shot in front of me." She sobs, barely above a whisper.

I swallow. I realize that suddenly, all of us are thrust into the middle of a war zone. I'm not stupid. New York is huge, undeniably, it was going to get hit. It's just... _when it happens to you._

"I'm so sorry. Just stay here, I'm sure we'll be fine. We'll just stay out of their way." I try to assure her.

She laughs and looks like she has lost her mind. I wouldn't blame her.

"Haven't you seen the news! They killed hundreds of people. London burned to the ground. Sydney too. Fires everywhere, people without electricity or the internet. Kids-"

"Shhh... " I try to get her thinking about something else, "I know, I know. But Los Angeles wasn't all that terrible. Maybe we're like Los Angeles."

She just looks at me. Unconvinced.

The first attack was about four months ago. Earth has successfully been able to fend off some attacks, and unified the world in the process, to defend the attacks together – perhaps for the first time ever. But Sydney and London have suffered, substantially. We're talking World War II level damage. Los Angeles has had its share, The First Order – as they've named themselves – set off some sort of electromagnetic pulse bomb, which cut out all of L.A.'s power, including the internet. They have power back now, but evidently it caused a lot of problems for the city.

"What's your name?" I try a different approach. "I'm Ana."

"Alysia." She shakily replies.

"Nice to meet you, Alysia, "I flash her the warmest smile I can pull off, "We'll be smart. Okay? We'll be smart and just stay hidden here, they won't bother looking at an alley behind smelly dumpsters with rats. I promise it's going to be okay." I give her an additional reassuring smile. I know none of what I just promised I can keep, but the girl is so young, and I remember when my parents died. I remember the panic, the loneliness. The feeling of being entirely lost.

We both shoot our gaze at the corner of the alley, towards the rumbling noise of the winged ship that sounds like it has landed now.

"It's not the winged ship, right?" Alysia asks, now visibly shaking. Visibly hoping, it won't be _the_ winged ship. I know it is. But she doesn't have to.

"No. I saw it earlier, it's a smaller one. Not the winged one." I lie. Apparently convincingly enough, as she lets out a sigh and slouches on the ground.

I carefully peek around the corner and see the ship's wings turning upwards as it lands on a parking lot barely a block away from us. It lifts dirt and trash off the ground as it nears it, and as its wings continue arising into an upright position. _There's no way no one is getting out of here alive._

The ship looks terrifying. I startle as I hear a loud hiss, and a boarding ramp comes out of the ship, and the same white exoskeleton soldiers come running out exactly like I've seen in the news.

And after them... Comes the monster that makes my blood freeze. A cloaked figure dressed in all-black emerging from the ship.

_The leader._

He has a metal helmet on, with only a narrow slit for him to see out of, and a big hood over it.

"Just like in London..." Alysia muttered behind me, startling me again. "We're as good as dead."

"Alysia, stay behind the dumpsters. You'll be safe there, I promise. I'll keep a look out here, okay? Alright?"

She nods and recedes back to hiding behind the smelling containers.

Finally, I see US army trucks and tanks appearing from around the corner. Soldiers are emerging now like ants, taking their positions and pointing their weapons toward the cloaked leader. I never thought I would witness anything like this in my whole life. But I suppose that's stupid to think about. _None of us did._

The white armored soldiers from the winged ship make a surprise attack and start running toward the US military while shooting blue beams at the army. Explosions and sparks fly where the beams hit. Then the leader makes a gesture with his hand, and the army trucks fly back as if they're shoved with an invisible force field.

A scream escapes and I have to shut myself up with my hand. _Who the fuck are they?_

I hear a squeak.

"It's okay, the army is here," I report back to her, trying to sound as calm as I can.

She doesn't say anything back.

More army tanks and soldiers come out running, but they all keep their distance now. There is less than a mile radius between the ship and the army. The white soldiers are now just standing, guns pointed, right at the invisible perimeter. _Shit. We're closer to the invaders than the army is._

They are all so still. Both sides. I hold my breath. It's quiet except for the car alarms that the explosions had set off.

 _Ana_...

What is that? It arises to my mind like a thought, yet it's not my voice.

_Ana..._

There it is again! What is that? Am I going insane? Is my mind going to leave me before I even get shot by those blue beams?

I look at the masked leader who's at the end of the bridge now, and who seems to be observing around.

Then he jerks his head sharply straight in my direction. I duck and throw myself to the ground behind the corner. _Did he see me?_ No. That's impossible _. Right?_

"What happened?" Alysia stutters trembling.

I just shake my head while breathing hard and heavy. "Nothing. Nothing."

"I hope you don't die." She states bluntly and looks at me with those big brown eyes, from between the dumpsters.

"What?" I ask and look at her crouching on the ground, hugging her knees.

"I said I hope you don't die." She repeats herself, words void of any emotion by now.

I stare at her, unsure what to say. Finally, I mutter an awkward thank you and stand up to look at the other corner, trying to calculate if we could still make a run for it toward the subway station. _Five blocks away_. I don't know what shape Alysia is physically in right now.

Abruptly, I feel someone jerking my hand violently, dragging me out from the alley and onto the street. I scream out in pain, only to look dead in the eye – or the helmet visor -- of a _white armored soldier_.

I look behind me, but I don't see Alysia. She must've seen the soldier coming and hid behind the dumpster. _Good girl._

I scream, and I kick, and I try to wiggle myself free, like a crazed animal, but the soldier manages to cage my wrists in some sort of handcuff-like device. It seems to tighten automatically around my wrists. Then another soldier appears and points his laser beam gun toward me. The other one's hard hand nudges me sharply as my feet grind to a drag as the ramp to the black ship comes closer.

 _Shit shit shit shit. Dead man walking_ is all I can hear on repeat.

I look at the army, feeling their eyes on me. I don't see any other civilians around. Just my damn luck. _Do something! I pay my taxes!_

I turn my head to look at the figure on top of the ramp. Emotions, unsteady, and jumping to the walls in my awareness wash over me as I'm forced closer and closer, and I can feel his eyes on me. My heart is beating so fast I'm praying for a heart attack before we get to the masked leader. But I don't get a heart attack. Instead, I get drenched in cold sweat and shivers. The soldiers shove me with their laser beams painfully jagged at my back, toward the cloaked man, and my feet very reluctantly move forward.

I'm waiting to wake up. You know when something is really messed up and you know it's not a dream, but you hopelessly keep hoping it is?

It would be nice to at least try and fake some sort of dignity, but the looming black ship with high pointed wings makes the inescapably all too real. And the man in black with a metal mask standing on top of the ramp sends shivers down to my bone.

We halt to a stop when I'm barely standing a foot away from him. I look at his dented helmet and get the sense that not a lot of people have been this close to count the dents and survived.

I take a shaky breath. His hand flashes, a motion loaded with violence, and I try to struggle to run away. My instincts are screaming at me. _You are going to die if you do not move. You are never returning if you board that thing._

But then everything starts going black. I can feel my legs giving in, and just before my limp body hits the ground, I'm out.

 


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up to a headache of the century. My hand flies to my head and I squeeze my eyes shut. My mouth feels dry. Every muscle in my body is stiff. I try to move my neck a little to ease the headache.

Then I remember. A panic settles around me like a tidal wave and I get that feeling of cold fingers squeezing my heart in my chest, causing it to beat so fast I can hear the blood rushing through my veins in my head. I open my eyes carefully, blinking rapidly trying to get my eyes to adjust to the cruelly bright overhead lights. After a moment of deep breaths, I carefully sit up and the room tilts on a dizzying axis when I realize I'm in a jail cell. All metal, from floor to my bed that is attached to the wall. Even the ceiling was cold hard metal. I don't think even James Bond could escape from here.

I stand up only to be jerked back down by the chains in the wall, that I didn't realize my hands were cuffed to. I wince in pain as I slouch back down and rub my wrists, but stop and crawl to the corner of the bed when I hear the oblong door unlock. Followed by a quiet hiss, I freeze as the masked monster walks into the room, his heavy boots clanking on the metal floor. He is frightening. He's so tall I don't think he would've even needed any superpowers to throw soldiers around effortlessly.

I just stare at him like a frightened animal, waiting for the hunter to make his move. What move? I'm not exactly sure. He hasn't killed me yet so there must be something he wants from me.

He marches right beside me, and I can't bear myself to look up at him. He is impossible to read; he just stands there with his hands crossed over his body. His dented mask is as expressionless as always.

His silent stare makes me feel uncomfortable, so I steady my elbows on my knees, which apparently is the only way to sit that doesn't make my arms feel even more awkward, chained and cuffed as they are.

He turns around, cape flowing, to sit on the metal chair across the bed.

"Where am I?" I shakily ask.

"You're on my ship." A voice answers, but it's distorted. I've never heard him speak before. The mask must be altering his voice somehow and it made him even more evil in my mind. I slightly yank on the chains and finally dare look at him. Or the slit in his helmet.

"What's your name?" I stutter still eyeing up at his unchanging mask, and I feel panic gurgle up in my chest as I think how many people's last memory that mask was. _Was it going to be my last memory?_

"I am not going to kill you." He places his hands on his mask and there is a hiss. "At least not yet." He lifts the mask off and -- _did he answer the question is just thought of? --_ uncovers a set of black curls underneath. He straightens up and looks at me straight in the eyes.

All of a sudden, I felt like throwing up.

_It's him._

"Kylo Ren." He states, still sounding cold and robotic even without his mask filtering his low voice.

 _Kylo Ren_... My head is spinning. I lean on the edge of the bed and drop my head to get some blood back in there. _What the fuck?_

Immediately a flash of him in my kitchen violates my thoughts. I squeeze my eyes and try to prevent the feeling in my chest from resurfacing, but it does. And I hate myself for it. I clench my hands into tighter fists, feeling how my nails dig half-moons into my flesh while scolding myself mentally.

I wanted someone who has killed hundreds of people-- and I liked it. Well, this is officially rock bottom for my roster of guys.

Kylo Ren sits on a metal chair across the tiny jail cell and sets his mask next to him. I lift my gaze up to him and I feel a familiar clenching in my abdomen as I look at him. It was definitely not appropriate at this moment. And I hate that my body still reacts to him like that. _There is no time to think about the way he looks right now_. Even under these horrible fluorescents lights. He has killed so many.

I slightly rattle on the chains.

"You mind?" I feel my breath shake a bit as I lift my hands.

"Not yet."

I sigh and slump against the wall. Still cuffed.

"What am I doing here, Kylo Ren?" I ask, trying to sound strong but my shaking voice betrays me.

"You work for me now." He states flatly.

I feel like someone just punched me in the gut. Gasping for air, I manage to get out a quiet, "What?"

Kylo Ren's face is as unreadable as his mask. "I need a human from Earth to advise me. I understand you've studied politics with great interest." He looks around the small jail cell and settles his eyes on me. "You'll agree to advise me on this matter. And I'll move you somewhere more comfortable." He finishes his proposal, while clearly studying me with his intense eyes.

I look at him in disbelief. "How do you know what I've studied?" _Has this man spied on me?_

He snorted with a derisive laughter. "I have no interest in spying Earthlings."

_Wait, what? Did he just-_

_"_ Yes. I don't have time to explain." He scoffs in a harsh tone. "I'll make the arrangements to get you transferred." He snaps and starts getting up.

"Wait, wait! I haven't given you my answer yet!" I hurry and try to get up, forgetting about my chains and just get jerked back down. "I have no intention of helping you kill more innocent people." I indented the words to come out sharp, but the confidence gets trapped in my throat and slipping out instead as shaky and hollow.

I witness the monster's eyes darken before me, causing chills to run down my spine. _Shit_. Kylo Ren shoots up maliciously and lurches over to me, his boots echoing ominously in the small metal cell.

I try to turn my head away from him, but I feel his leather covered fingers to wrapping around my chin, forcing me to face him. Towering over me again.

"I do not have time for this." Kylo Ren sneers in a dangerously low voice. His hand squeezing my cheeks, forcing me to look up at him. "You will advise me. It is not up for negotiation."

"Or what?" I struggle out in his hold.

"Or things will get a lot worse for you, and for Earth." He said with such a lethal tone that I'm reminded how easy it must be for him to kill.

I clench my teeth. "Fine."

"Talk back to me again, and it will be the last thing you do." He warned.

Kylo Ren lets go of me and walks to retrieve his helmet. He lowers the mask onto his head and then the door opens with another smooth _whoosh_ and he exits the jail cell, his cape following him and the thick metal door locking behind him.

I realize my ears are ringing. _Kylo Ren._

After a moment of trying to wrap my head around the conversation that just happened, I slump against the cold wall and let out a deep breath, I didn't realize I was holding. _Fuck was I fucked._

I close my eyes with a deep sigh, recognizing that my headache is back _._ Advise him? I'm afraid to think positively, but I hope that's a positive thing. It sounds like a positive thing. But why did so many innocent people have to die before he wants _advising?_

I shake my head and look at the chains on my wrists. _Shit did I have a bad type in guys._

 


	5. Chapter5

It's hard to say how much time has passed, but it feels like a while when I hear the door unlock and hiss again. Two soldiers come in and uncuff me from the wall, just to cuff me again, but this time they're motioning with their laser beams for me to step out from the cell.

The inside of the craft is clean, neat, and shiny. We walk on clinically white corridors, both narrow and wide. We pass control panels and doors, a dozen pairs of soldiers, and then we turn to go through gloomy and metallic corridors until finally, we get to where my journey's end apparently was. The soldiers use a complicated looking touch screen panel to open the door and we step in.

_What? This can't be my new jail cell._

There's a living room area with seats, it kind of reminds me of the futuristic lobby seats at work. And then there's a dining room a couple steps above it, with a door to what I assume, would be the bedroom. Everything is dark and sleek and I'm petrified when I think of the ship I'm inside in. This ship has brought so much terror and demise to so many people...

The bedroom door swooshes open and _he_ steps out, with his terrifying mask on. I wrinkle up my brow.

"Where did you bring me?" I ask.

"You know where you are." The mechanic voice says through the mask.

"In your--" I start while eyeing around.

"Living quarters." He cuts me off.

I tilt my head to look at him sharply. "Why?"

Kylo Ren doesn't reply. I'm still handcuffed and guarded by two soldiers. He waves his hand and the soldiers leave us alone, door securing behind me. I raise my bound hands to him. He shakes his head. I drop my arms defeated. _What the hell am I doing here?_

Kylo Ren steps closer to me and my instincts want me to back away from the monster in the mask, but I've decided I can't keep being continuously scared of him. I hate to acknowledge it but I think I might have to stay... _here_ , a while, and I'd rather not be afraid at every turn. So I stand my ground. But he keeps inching closer and making it very difficult to stay still.

"At least take your mask off." I plead with him. I look at all the dents in it. Blows he's taken.

To my amazement, he takes his mask off. It hisses and Kylo Ren frees his black hair from underneath it. He places the mask on a side table next to me, with a loud _clink_ sound, sneaking a step closer to me at the same time. Kylo Ren looks all of a sudden so... _human_. Not some robot programmed to bring death and destruction to Earth. His skin is pale and dimpled. His eyes are as black as his shiny hair and his angular face makes him look peculiar, but admittedly he was, still, a handsome man.

How does the saying go again? _The devil is not some little red man with horns, but the devil is beautiful, for he was once God's favorite._

Ice runs down my back.

" _Now_ you are scared." He states.

"You're not exactly who I thought you were." I grit my teeth.

"And exactly _who_ did you think I was?" He asks and tilts his head. It reminds me of a predator.

I don't reply. I was being irresponsible that night and now here I was. Partly this is my own doing. Partly, I am to blame for being here. But only partly, I might've given him consent to come inside my home, I might've allowed him in my kitchen, but I certainly did not give him consent to _kidnap me._

"That's what I thought." He scoffs and turns his back to me to look out the colossal oblong window, at the end of the living room space.

"Kylo Ren", saying his name out loud still startles me, this, not being scared of him, will require a lot of work evidently, "why am I here?"

"Don't flatter yourself I'm not interested in that. I need a room without curious ears to talk with you about Earth."

His voice sounds like it's dripping with ice. _Of course not_. I feel humiliated, of course, he wouldn't have time for such human things, as _feelings_.

"Where am I suppose to sleep?" I ask and follow him.

Facing his back still to me. "Doesn't matter to me."

I sigh and look around. So, the floor or the uncomfortable designer chair. There aren't even decorative pillows to make the floor more appealing. I slouch down on the chair, to test it out since apparently, this was my new bed.

Kylo Ren turns around and I have to hold my breath for a moment. _Why does he have to be so handsome?_ And I feel like it's only going to make things harder. I'm supposed to see him every day, _in his living quarters._

He stalks up to me and bores his icy black eyes into mine. I gulp and feel goosebumps emerging on my skin. Again, every fiber in my body howling at me to get moving and start running from the monster in front of me. His look makes me think that killing me probably wouldn't mean more to him, than killing a spider with a coffee mug.

He knees in front of me and glowers into my eyes with his soulless eyes. "Control your feelings, Ana."

I feel like he just gave me an electric shock. Jesus. Have I been _that_ obvious? A heat rises against my will, making my cheeks burn. But this time irritation replaces the anxiety in my heart.

"Don't worry, murders aren't my thing."

He just looks at me with an empty expression. "Are you sure?"

My heart constricts in my chest and it feels like he just stabbed me. What is he trying to do? Does he know? How could he? An image of my ex, flashes in my mind. He... Had been my rock bottom. I was in a car with him, we were fighting, and we were approaching a sidewalk, he scarcely stopped in time and only tapped the woman crossing the street. The woman screamed back, and Jason... He pressed the gas. Ran her over. And then fled the scene, with me in the car, in shock next to him.

He almost killed me too, but I narrowly escaped, and went straight to the police. But now, it seems Jason wasn't my rock bottom after all. I can feel the anger consuming me, spreading with white-hot heat from my heart to my hands, making them clench so hard I think I drew blood.

I want to hit him. I want him to feel something, even if it's just a quarter of what he made me feel, I want to punch his nose and crack his pretty lips and I want him to look at me with panic in his eyes and I want him to—

He drops his hand and tampers with my handcuffs, popping them open. For a flash of a moment I contemplate sprinting at my captor, punching him in the nose and while he bends down, I'll bolt to the door and then... _then what?_

"If I were you I wouldn't do that." Kylo Ren says in a low, warning tone.

 _Okay, that's it._ I'm going to ask him, even at the threat of making myself sound like a schizophrenic.

"Kylo," I start and he looks up at me, unfazed. "Can you read my mind?"

Silence. He doesn't even flinch. He just keeps looking at me. It's as if he's considering whether to lie to the child or come clean.

"Yes." He finally admits and rises to his full height. "We'll be taking off in ten minutes. You should hold on to your chair." He says, tone deathly. As if he didn't just confess something – literally – out of this world to me.

He turns his back to me to retrieve his helmet from the side table, next to the exit.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" I bolt up and shoot over to him, "you can't just admit to something that insane and walk away!"

Kylo Ren stays silent. He sinks his helmet onto his head and opens the door by waving his hand in front of it. Most likely to go to the command bridge, or whatever the hell one might call the cockpit in this thing.

" I can do whatever I want." He retorts, sounding rather like a petulant child avoiding an interrogation.

 _Swoosh_ and out the doorway he goes, with his villainous cape billowing after him.

I'm left with my mouth gaping after him. That monster can hear everything I think? Everything I've _ever_ thought while we've been in the same room? The horrifying reality of it dawns on me. All my private thoughts... All the times I thought about how attractive I thought he looked, he heard it. _He heard it all._

I can feel my cheeks grow into a bright shade of searing red, once again. I would have to be a lot more careful with my thoughts in the future. I'm not sure how, precisely, but I'll most definitely practice it. Some form of meditation would help possibly.

I stare at the rectangle metal door in front of me. Even if I could unlock the door – which I can't -- there are soldiers all over the place. And even if there weren't, how was I going to open the ship up, and how did I even know where to go? Which hallway to take? I don't even remember how to get back to the lockup I was in. And now there was the new issue, which was Kylo Ren's mind-reading ability. He'd be able to sense my escaping scheme as soon as it just crosses my mind.

I let out a breath. _He has powers._ And I'm leaving the ground with this ship in ten minutes. I rub my face and try to make sense of it all. Okay, Ana. It is what it is. One day at a time. Maybe he'll get tired of being gloomy and menacing. You don't know him. So who knows. But then again, if he continues being an asshole, maybe you won't find him attractive anymore. So, silver lining. _Right?_

I let out a profound sigh, feeling overpowered. I look out the window, at the wrecked buildings. Smoke. Abandoned streets and wasted cars. I feel alone again, but not as alone as I know I should. I'm well acquainted with the full-blown strength of my aching loneliness, and this is not the worst of it. I don't want _him_ to be the reason why. He's a monster in a mask and that's all he is. 

I feel a subtle tremor starting beneath me. I suppose that's the vessel's engines whirring to life. That's it then. An unwanted thought creeps up on me. _Will I ever be back here?_ A panic makes my pulse fasten yet again and I can see the room starting to tilt. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. I never asked Kylo Ren where we're going. But I think it might be easier if I don't know.

Ten or so minutes later, I'm clutching the armrests of the chair, feeling the full strength of the G-forces. The landscape blurs quickly – too quickly for my comfort -- and we are space-borne. It takes only seconds until we're out of Earths atmosphere and in space, (I expected to be floating around, but apparently they have some sort of artificial gravitation device on the ship). The stars look like snow through a windshield on a snowy night as we advance through it, with a speed that must be close to light speed.

And I find myself praying that my lonely heart won't make me do rotten things.

 


	6. Chapter 6

_I'm lying amongst black satin sheets. They're so soft, but not as soft as his silky mane._

_I turn and see his murky eyes looking into mine._

_He pulls me down to flip me underneath his strong arms, caging me in. My home. And he kisses me with his sinful lips. We kiss knowing that we will never again feel other's lips on our bodies. Only ours. Everything else would just feel wrong, another's kiss would taste sour from my tears. His tears. Being bare in front another would feel like a thousand ants crawling underneath our skin._ _Our love was our curse and our heaven. Our salvation and damnation. Our everything._

_But as he's placing kisses on my neck, his bedroom floods with a red glow. All of a sudden, Kylo Ren has his terrifying lightsaber in his right hand. It crackles unsteadily and illuminates his face with a sharp ruddy glow._

_He moves the flickering sword next to my neck, and all it would take to have my head rolling onto the floor is a swift swing. I know this is my end. Looking in his black eyes in the inflamed light and I know I'm only getting what I warrant for falling in love with a monster. Yet I can't help but try to struggle myself free underneath his embrace, but then the walls come down, melting into a boulevard in New York, the roads damp after the rain, the billboards from above illuminating from puddles of rainwater._

_And I run. I run for my life. My feet are wet and I'm cold and shivering. I can't run for long. I take a chance on a dim backstreet, maybe I could hide out here for a while. But a red lightsaber ignites up the alley in front of me, and I tumble as I desperately try to change my course. I plummet onto the wet hard ground painfully, and he is above me, in his black tunic and hood, the red glow illuminating back to me from his steel mask. My heart thumps so hard it's agonizing, and I realize I have nowhere to run any longer. He raises his blazing weapon and says with that bloodcurdling filtered voice, "I told you, you can't run from me."_ __  
  


_And just before he is about to execute me--_

I wake up dripping sweat.

I groan and glance around me. The lights in Kylo Ren's living quarters are still out. And the stars still look like we're driving through a blizzard outside the vast window. I let out a deep breath and dab the sweat away from my forehead. _Well, that felt real._

I rub my face crudely, hoping to get rid of every last bit of the dream I just had. But my heart isn't having it. It's still hammering distraughtly in my chest. I can feel the thumping against my ribcage. And I can still feel the ghost of the feelings.

I try to adjust my position on the chair to fall back asleep but at no avail. After a while of shifting and changing, I give up and get up. I need a pillow. I walk around a bit looking for the bathroom. I figure, he must have towels there, I could use some as a makeshift pillow. But after a while of examining the walls of Kylo Ren's living quarters, hoping to find perhaps a hidden door of some kind,  I find nothing. The bathroom must in his bedroom.

I sigh irritated and go back to the chair, unable to fall back asleep for a long time, until finally, I somewhat drift back to sweet nothing.

 

\-------------------------------

 

I'm standing in the sitting room, examining out the window at a what appeared to be a massive hangar. We are inside... _another ship?_ I see those white exoskeleton soldiers rushing in organized groups and others doing maintenance on smaller ships. It looked like an... _army base._ And then it dawned on me. Kylo Ren took me to the headquarters of the First Order. The main ship. All of a sudden the air turns very heavy and I find it hard to inhale.

"Time to do some advising." I hear a low voice dictating from behind me. I turn around to see Kylo Ren fully dressed in his black ensemble, but without his mask _._ Right on cue, the dream I had resurfaces into my mind as clear as the bright lights in the hangar. I crease my brow and unfortunately, realize, I can still feel the lingering feelings I felt for him in the dream. Before he tried to kill me.

Kylo Ren glares at me strangely. "What are you doing?"

I look up to him. "Nothing. Just thinking."

He lets out an annoyed sigh and looks at me bored. "You know I can just look into your mind and find out that you are lying."

_Damn you to hell, Kylo Ren. He's right._

I scowl at him. "I had a dream."

"About me."

"Yes," I mutter my reply.

His face is as stony and as unreadable as ever. "We have to go." He barks and goes to his bedroom, emerging with his mask on.

 _Asshole_.

He stalks to me and only now I see he has the handcuffs with him. He takes my left wrist to cuff it, but I jerk it back from his hand.

"Where am I going to run to?" I snap and glare at him and his unfazed steel mask.

Then I find myself being shoved by a force against the wall behind me, face first. Fortunately, I have quick reflexes, and I manage to turn my head slightly to the left, or I might've broken my nose. He keeps pressing me against the wall with the force field, and I feel his hands seize my arms roughly. I wince as he restraints my hands behind my back.

"Hard way then." Kylo Ren grunts behind me, his voice sounding robotic again. He jerks me off from the wall, releasing the force that was holding me immobile. He drags me through the living room, toward the door and I tail him grudgingly out the steel door, onto the hallway. He lets go of my arm outside and allows me to walk behind him. I watch as his cape drifts behind him gloomily. He makes the hallway seem tiny. Then, after what seems like dozens of turns and hallways, we arrive at a landing ramp that he starts descending down and into the hangar.

There are two soldiers right outside, as if expecting for commands, with blasters in their hands.

"Take her to the command bridge." Kylo Ren barks to the soldiers.

"Wait, where are you going?" I stutter, anxious as to what was going to happen to me. He was a murderer also, yes, but at least I knew he wasn't planning on killing me – _for now_. But I didn't know that of anyone else on this ship.

Kylo Ren turns his head to show his metal helmet over his shoulder.

"I am the highest commander on this ship. No one will kill you, unless _I_ command them to." He waves his hand at the soldiers, "make sure she stays in the conference room."

I gulp. He read my mind again. There was no one above him on this colossal vessel? So... He is free to do as he wishes without percussions. The thought horrifies me.

"Yes, Sir." They both reply mechanically. (The only reason I knew there were living beings inside the armors, was the news. Otherwise, I'd think they're robots.)

The soldiers move swiftly on either side of me, one of them pointing the head of the blaster on my back, and painfully shove me onward with it. Kylo Ren stalks far ahead of us already, his long legs taking intimidating strides. He disappears into one of the many elevators in the oversize hangar, and I'm left alone, surrounded by pitiless soldiers.

 


	7. Chapter 7

I lean forward in one of the twelve chairs around a massive and glossy table inside a conference room. Everything is dark steel and black metal, including the, yet another, very uncomfortable chair. I would've rubbed my face if my hands were free. I feel so exhausted, I barely slept last night. I can sense the dark imprints under my eyes and heavy eyelids. I try and lean forward a bit, resting my upper body against the edge of the table but it's impossible to be comfortable, while my hands are cuffed behind my back.

Then the entrance unlocks. A red-headed man in impeccable uniform strides in, his hands crossed behind his back. He looks like he has a steel rod inside him, keeping his posture so extremely straight. Right behind him is Kylo Ren, and they both sit down across from me.

I straighten my back, trying not to look so insignificant in the enormous chair, opposite of these two nerve-wracking men. But my back was aching badly from last night, and the cuffs certainly did not help the problem.

"So, you are the consultant Kylo Ren has found?" The red-haired general spoke. He is intimidating, even the way he spoke stated so.

I nod. I fear my voice may deceive me.

"I am General Hux. And you've met Commander Ren. Kylo Ren is one of the Knights of Ren. Now, Ana," General Hux placed his hands in front of him on the table and crossed them, "we have successfully moved the disorder from existence in many galaxies, so that civilizations may be returned to the stability and peace that promotes _progress_."

"We will do the same to your planet, _Earth_." Kylo Ren stated. "Future historians will look upon this as the time when a strong hand brought the rule of law back to civilization. And stars know your planet desires our liberation urgently. But... the people of Earth have demonstrated themselves to be more... _resilient_ , than anticipated."

"So", I start and feel both of their full attention on me, it almost halts the words from coming out of my tongue, but I push through and succeed to stutter: "You want my help to conquer Earth?

"No," Kylo Ren sneers through his mask, "we can do that."

"We want citizens of Earth to be devoted to the First Order. We don't know people on Earth, but you were born there, yes? And you've studied politics, in hopes of making a difference in your dreadful regime." Hux leans forward in his chair, "Ana, now is your chance."

Before I could answer, Kylo Ren states; "We've learned of your history. It appears we need a changed tactic for approach, in order to accomplish to have people yield to the First Order. You'll aid with that."

All of a sudden the full weight of the responsibility Hux and Kylo Ren was placing on my shoulders, really sinks in. Is Earth's hope really in _my_ hands? That's unreasonable! I'm not equipped to deal with this!

"I've only studied politics for three years. I haven't even graduated yet." I hesitate, looking at both of them in hopes that they'd realize they've made a mistake. I'm not sure if that for me, would mean that I end up dead but right now to be frank, it seemed like a more suitable destiny for me.

"We know," Hux replies. _They do?_ "But we also recognize you've existed on Earth for twenty-three years, and you sought to get into your nation's senate to change things. You must acknowledge, things are rather horrific at the moment, and they're going to get even poorer. Imaginably accelerate even to World War III. And your passion and participation in local politics at such an early time only expresses of the influence you could embrace."

"I won't help you to murder," I state cautiously, not really understanding where they were going with this.

Hux noticeably tries to control his irritation, taking a profound breath.

"We desire Earth to be a devoted ally, and we also need more _willing_ soldiers, who won't require being sent to reconditioning each month."

I just gawk General Hux in return. He glances over at Kylo Ren.

"So... What would make Earth _happy_?" I repeat back what I comprehended.

General Hux draws yet another deep sigh. "Commander Ren, are you certain she is of help? Perhaps she could serve the cause better, on a _different_ assignment."

"No!" I exclaimed suddenly, almost flying out of my seat, guessing that 'another assignment' is far worse than my present one. "I'll do it. I'm sorry, I'm just somewhat in a sock and suffering from lack of sleep." I shoot an angry glare at Kylo Ren at the last part.

"Autonomy," I add. Trying to sound as confident as I possibly could.

"Autonomy?" Kylo Ren repeats, questioning.

"Yes. That'll make people content. You can immobilize the government of Earth, you can strip its presidents from control, you can end the companies from dictating laws that profit only them, you can distribute wealth better, but you'll save the local schools, post offices, and all other public services."

"That is too much sovereignty." Kylo Ren snorts.

"No, you'll still have the final say. You can appoint a new Senate that's responsible for all the local matters, a senate of the United Earth if you will, but ultimately they'll need your authorization."

Hux looks at Kylo Ren. Clearly, deliberating.

"But you'll have to stop the blood shedding. Only then can it work. Only then, will you get a loyal ally."

"Ana," Kylo Ren starts. Hearing my name from him, filtering through the mask, startles me. "We have occupied hundreds of others with a reign of fear. It works. It reinstates _order_ to the galaxy."

"You asked me how to get Earth to become a loyal ally. This is it." I swallow. Was I too assertive? Are they thinking ' _off with her head?'_

Kylo Ren stands up and Hux mirrors him. "We'll deliberate all the options." And he stalks out of the room, Hux behind him. Right after that, the soldiers come back and pull me up from the chair.

"Wait, where are you taking me?" I belt and try to tug my arms away from their hold, but to no avail. They walk me out of the room and along long corridors of the gigantic ship. 

Did I help? Could I _actually_ contribute something to the discussion of how to subjugate Earth? If I did, then I hope I had done it convincingly enough. If I fail... I realize all of a sudden, it would all be on _me_. It would be because _I_ wasn't good enough in counseling, even though I was given the chance.

I let out a deep sight, and lean on the soldiers a bit more. I'm completely exhausted.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

After a few minutes of walking and an elevator up thirty levels, we arrive in front of a door that looks like the one on the winged ship. The door hisses open and uncovers living quarters very similar to the prior one, except there is more furniture here. A dining room table, living room with actual couches and a couple pillows on them, a door to what could be a bathroom, and a second door, undoubtedly, to Kylo Ren's bedroom.

I get shoved inside and I almost fall to the ground, as my arms are still cuffed. The metallic door closes behind me. I leisurely start walking about, picturing Kylo Ren sitting alone in the big dining room table and gazing out in the galaxy from the massive floor-to-ceiling window, to which the table faced.

_Does he ever feel lonely?_

I walk over to the door that I suspect to be a bathroom. I turn my back to it in order to open it with my bound hands and then turn back around to see. It is actually a bathroom! The walls and floor are shielded in glossy, black tile, and there is a shower in addition to the toilet.

An image of Kylo Ren in the shower creeps up in my thoughts. _Oh no, no, no, no. Absolutely no._

Speaking of showers... _I could really use one_. I sense that my armpits are on the brink of about to start emitting a very bad stench. I look around to see white, fresh towels in the cabinet below the sink. I peek inside the shower and discover some sort of dispenser on the wall. It will do.

Now there was just the issue of my hands. If they were at least bound in front of me, I could manage a shower. Then a trick I once saw on a crime TV show comes to my mind. It's pretty artless really. I sit on the ground and start wiggling my arms closer down to my butt. After a few tries, I succeed to balance myself on the balls of my feet, my butt hovering just above the ground. Then I resume wiggling my arms under my butt, and finally around it, then landing on the ground again and slipping my arms around my legs. Success!

I roll my shoulders; they're aching very unpleasantly. After a while of stretching and looking around, I step into the bathroom. I figure it's now or never. It is going to feel weird being undressed in Kylo Ren's living quarters, but a lot of things are very weird at the moment. And Kylo Ren isn't here yet, so I'll have a little bit of solitude.

I step inside and close the door, only to realize there is no lock on it. _Damn it._ Well, nothing I can do about it. I'd assume he wouldn't barge in if he hears the shower running. But then again, he is a murderer. I suppose I shouldn't really assume anything.

I shred my clothes nevertheless and step into the shower. It feels wonderful, I let out a deep sigh, trying to relax my sore muscles. I watch as the dirt and of New York City under attack washes off me, as brown trails of water down my body. I have to rub my face especially hard, I had much more dirt on me than I had realized. 

After a prolonged shower, I get out and cloak a white towel around my hair and then around my form. I take a whiff of my skin and realize, that I smell like him now. I also recognize that I don't mind it as much as I definitely ought to. _A killer in a mask. Do not forget that, Ana._

I step out to find Kylo Ren glaring at me, his mask off.

"You managed to shower in those things?" He points at the cuffs around my wrists.

"Well, yes," I reply, observing him. "It wasn't easy." He had a dark look in his eyes.

"I'll take them off." He says and takes a step closer.

I hastily step back. "I can't let go of the towel." A heat emerges on my cheeks. "I'll get dressed first." I back away from him and step back into the bathroom, already feeling more than uncomfortable standing in front of him in just a towel. Just as I'm about to close the door, Kylo Ren halts it with his hand. 

"I have clean clothes for you."

I blink twice. "You do?"

He signals me to follow him and I do. To his bedroom. Kylo Ren waves his hand in front of the metallic door and it effortlessly slides open, revealing a large bed in the middle of a spacious room, with dark sheets and invitingly overstuffed pillows. He goes over to the closet across his bed and pulls one drawer, taking out black fabrics.

"Your clothes are going to be too big."

"I ordered clothes in your size." He replies and hands me a bundle of carefully folded clothes.

"Oh." I take them from him and turn around, after muttering an awkward thank you.

I tread back into the bathroom and change into my new clothes. They too, smell like him. Evidently, since they were in a drawer with his clothes. The garments resemble Kylo Ren's. A black, long-sleeved tunic with black pants. They fit perfectly and are far more comfortable, than the now dirty office outfit I had been kidnapped in.

I look in the mirror. I see dark half-moons under my weary brown eyes, and lips that are dried out. I need water and I need sleep. Just then my stomach growls. _  
_And food_. _ Definitely food as well.

I step out and notice Kylo Ren walking out of his bedroom, stripped from his cape and some of the other garments he usually wears, as a part of his outfit. Now he is just wearing his black tunic and pants. His hair looking wild after a long day. When he's like this, it's hard for me to understand he is capable of conquering the galaxy by terror and murder.

He waves his hand in my direction, and the cuffs from my hands click open and clatter down onto the floor. I rub the sore skin above my wrists and enjoy the freedom.

"I have ordered droids to deliver us food." He states and pulls a chair out to sit at the dining room table, watching me.

"Water?" I inquire.

"Bedroom. Bedside table." He replies, still observing me.

I walk past him, a little unnerved by his full attention on me, and go inside his bedroom. I see a water pitcher and two glasses on the table. I pour a big glass and drink it greedily down. I instantly feel better. I pour another glass and drink it down as quickly.

"You have learned to contain your fear." I hear his voice behind me. I turn around to see Kylo Ren leaning on his bedroom's door frame.

"Well, around you, yes. I've been trying." I admit, still perplexed as to how he can see inside my head. "I would appreciate it nevertheless if you'd stop probing inside my mind."

He tips his chin up slightly. "Your emotions are so all over the place, it's hard not to."

And he got me furious again. Is it _my_ fault!? He confuses me! He was so uncaring and cold yesterday and now he got me food and clothes, and I still believe we had something between us that night in my apartment, but he makes me feel like I'm going crazy for thinking that, and then making that unwarranted comment about my ex.

"Because you are an infuriating person!" I shout, and as soon as it slips from my tongue, I regret it. His eyes change and I can feel the rage emitting from him. He shoots across the bedroom to me so fast, I panic and drop the water glass form my hands.

He takes my cheeks between his bare hands and hovers over me. I can almost see the flares in his eyes, as he looks down on me.

"I warned you about talking back to me." He says in a low, fatal tone that causes chills to run down my spine. I squirm in his hold, and when his eyes change to the eyes of a starved predator, I try to wrench his hands from my face, but that only causes his grip to tighten.

He takes a step toward me, forcing me to stagger back and hit my back to the wall. And that's when I feel it again. The _pull_ between us, like in my apartment. It can't be just me. It can't all be in my head. His black eyes are observing me intently and I can feel the clenching in my gut as strong as ever. I feel betrayed by my own body, but his face was so handsome, even when he was so angry. How could I help myself?

He snakes his free hand onto my hair and tugs it while moving his thumb on my face, to stroke the side of my mouth. His hungry gaze moves onto my dried out lips. I take a breath. _Can he feel it too? The pull? This is wrong. Yet, why doesn't it feel like it?_

Then I hear the door swishing open in the living room. _The food._ And in that instant, he lets go of me and backs away. Unwanted disappointment swells inside me. I try to push it down, down, _down_.

"Meditation will help to control your emotions." He grunts and turns his back to me, stalking out the bedroom.

And I am, once again, left standing there convinced, it's all me, or he's doing this on purpose to mess with my head. Now anger flares up again in my core, and if he gets that close to me again, I'll bite and I'll scream and I'll kick. I refuse to feel like that again.

I clench my fists and take a few profound breaths before stepping out into the dining room.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading & leaving kudos/comments, it keeps me motivated!! You can expect a new chapter within this week! ;)


	9. Chapter 9

****

We ate in silence. Kylo Ren at times gave me a stare, but other than that seemed to be focused on his plate. The food was satisfactory, with some entirely new flavors to me that I hadn't decided if I liked or not.

I finished first, (the last time I ate, was on Earth yesterday, seems such a long time ago now), and retreated to where I am now. I'm resting down on the couch, enjoying the softness of it and the freedom of my hands. I couldn't really locate a right position for falling asleep though, I learned the couch was smaller than it looked.

I keep gazing out the window, into the universe. And a familiar company tiptoes into my mind. I'm reminded by the infinite galaxy extended out in front of me, of how utterly _alone_ I am. I have a couple decent friends, like Jess, but that's pretty much it. And no boyfriend. No soulmate. Not even a _damn cat_. Just... alone. And cold. Like the space outside the window. My parents died in a plane crash when I was seventeen. They moved from France to the States, so I don't have any other family on the entire continent. Of course, my nana from France asked me to move in with her, but she resides in a tiny village up in the countryside, and I didn't want to depart with New York City. So I've carried this grief inside me for a while. It feels like a part of me now. My imaginary friend, always there at my darkest hours.

At least anonymity of the huge city brought me some sort of consolation and familiarity. I deduce that's why I had sunk myself so fully in schoolwork. Between working and night school, it didn't permit me a lot of idle time to feel sorry for myself. I also got myself involved in the local government in Brooklyn, I have been trying to get the soldiers to do rounds in my neighborhood as much as on the richer ones. I pay taxes probably more than they do for crying out loud.

 _... And your passion and participation in local politics at such an early time only expresses of the influence you could embrace._ General Hux' words echo in my head and cause chills to shake me. I curl up tighter, body and mind drained. Little by little, my consciousness started traveling away from me, and changing to the rule of the unconscious mind. 

 

It doesn't take long until I wake up, shivering and cold, arms tightly wrapped around my torso. The lights were switched off from the dining and living rooms. Kylo Ren must've gone to bed too.

Hell, it is _freezing_. Significantly colder than on the smaller winged craft. I try to tuck my hands between my knees to warm them, but it just isn't enough. I need a _blanket_. Simple as that. I get up and tread over to the bathroom, intending to use the towels as a blanket. But I notice that aren't any there. When I showered, there were only two towels and after I had used them Kylo Ren had thrown them to the laundry chute.

I groan out loud. I'd rather _not_ do what I'm about to do... but I can't not sleep two nights in a row. So, I walk over to Kylo Ren's bedroom door and knock on it.

Nothing. Silence.

My fist is in the air, about to knock again when the door slides open with a soft _swoosh_. He's shirtless and drowsy, with his luscious black mane messy from sleep. He's eyeing me up and down, and I feel that damn pull again. Heart pounding harder.

_Thump._

_Thump._

_Thu-da-mp_.

 _Control_ , I have to remind myself.

"I need a blanket, it's freezing," I say as casual as I possibly can.

"I don't have a blanket." He replies in a hoarse voice, seemingly unconcerned about my coldness.

"Ren, I need sleep. I barely slept last night on one of your impossibly uncomfortable chairs." I snap, cranky from being robbed of sleep and warmth. I cross my arms over my chest defensively and frown at him. If he can see into my mind, then he must feel how exhausted I am.

"Fine," he says and walks back over to his bed. "You can sleep in my bed."

_Did I hear that right? Or am I so drowsy I'm delusional now?_

"Excuse me?" I stutter and take a step toward him. He lays down on the bed, under the blankets and turned away from me.

"I can contain myself." He says and then turns to rest on his back, to glare at me. "Can you?"

"What! Don't be ridiculous, I'm not some teenage boy unable to keep it in my pants!" I scoff at him.

It is possible this is a deliberate ruse. To challenge me to show him wrong and get me in his bed. But eyeing at the overstuffed pillows and the heavy, soft looking blanket, a weakness washes over me.

"Then what's the problem, Ana? Just get to bed and sleep." He says and glares at me from the bed, eyes gleaming in the darkness.

I stand there for a couple seconds, eyeing at him and the pillows. Him and the pillows.  
 _The pillows._

"Fine," I mumble under my breath and climb into the bed, burrowing underneath the blankets. _So warm. So soft._ _Surrounded by his scent... Ugh._

"Why couldn't you just keep me in the jail cell." I murmur to myself.

"Because you, _people of Earth_ ," he snarls with such disdain. "Are more impulsive than asteroids. I need you nearby in case something unpredicted occurs, and the way _I_ would deal with it would cause the distinction of citizens on Earth."

I shudder at the thought of it.

 _So angry all the time._ I wonder if he's ever made a joke in his life. Or smiled for that matter. I haven't seen him smile yet _once_.

"I have my moments." He mutters.

I exert my hand to punch him in the arm, but he predicts it and seizes my hand mid-air.

"Get out of my head!" I snap and try to yank my hand from his hold but, obviously, with no success.

I swing my left arm to help free his hold but he grabs ahold of it too.

"Stop it." He grunts and flashes me a threatening look. My heart aches ever so slightly.

I stare at him back. After a moment, he releases my hands. I turn my back to him and tug the blankets over my shoulder. I can hear him sigh, and so I take a deep breath as well, inhaling the soothing of his scent. Fresh linens mixed with a lush forest air, musky and comforting.

_Perhaps I should give meditation a go. Maybe that'll help banish the devil from my private thoughts._

All I know is, that night I slept better than I have slept in a long time. My loneliness kept at bay, in the bed of a villain.

_There must be something wrong with me._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be up within the next 48 hours! Thank you SO much for reading <3


	10. Chapter 10

His hand is on my throat.

I gulp and I'm not sure what to do. He's asleep. My back is turned to him, but I can hear his steady breathing. He had snaked his arm under mine at some point while I was asleep, and gently splayed his fingers across the base of my throat. Not constricting my breathing, just... resting there.

He must've done it unconsciously. Perhaps instinctively. I did find my back leaning against his upper body as well when I woke up. My body clearly has a mind of its own.

I carefully wiggle a little room between us, my mind inviting way too many indecent thoughts, touching his bare skin like that. A regret like a morning after drinking throbs fresh on my mind. I knew better than this. His hand is warm and heavy on my chest. _The capable hand of a killer._

Suddenly, his grip tightens around my throat and I startle. Except his hold doesn't really allow me to move. At all. He could easily crush my esophagus, with next to no effort. Just like that, I would be done. _Like a spider under a coffee mug._

"Calm your thoughts." He grunts, voice raw from sleep.

"You're awake." I gasp. _How long has he been awake?_

"I am now," He moans and yanks me to him, killing the little space I had managed to get between us. I try to push myself away from him, for my sanity, but he won't permit me to. There's no real intent behind my struggling anyway. _Are you even really trying, Ana?_ He leans his head in, even closer to my face, and can feel his soft black hair graze the side of my cheek.

"I can teach you." Kylo Ren murmurs into my ear.

I swallow the lump in my throat. And try to will my heart to beat a more human rhythm. My eyes dart around his room. _What is he doing?_

"Meditation?" I ask, voice breaking. _Damn it._

"Mmhm," His soft lips are touching my ear now, his hot breath on my skin tempting goosebumps. His fingers start moving on my neck, alternating between gripping and caressing. His hot breath stays in my ear, his hard stomach underneath his soft skin against my back.

_What are you doing? Ana, stop it. Stop fraternizing with the enemy! Remember? Kick, scream, bite!_

Instead, I do the opposite. I can feel the clenching in my gut even stronger now. The desire to get even closer, bubbling up in my chest. I wish I had more self-restraint. I guess that's why they call the devil the devil.

And so, I turn to face the villain behind me.

He slides his hand from my throat, allowing me to turn and then slowly spreads it across my lower back. He drills those dark eyes into mine like he's going to devour my soul right then and there. He's so close now. So close that I can see all the tiny moles on his pale face, so close that I can see his lips are just a little bit dry, see all the tiny hairs that make up his eyebrows. The urge is stronger than ever. I want to sink my hands into his luscious wavy hair, clench a fistful of the blackness and feel the silkiness of each strand, I want to t- 

_Get a hold of yourself, Ana._

"What are _you_ doing?" He growls and snatches my face roughly in his hands. Stony black eyes are scanning me up and down, and the heat in my cheeks turns burning hot beneath the long fingers on my skin. I look into his eyes and I see _life,_ not emptiness and ice. I see fire, and I'm all consumed I'm gone and lord I can feel him in my veins now like a spell I can't look away does he look at the people he murders like this does he have this same fire in his eyes when he raises his flaming blade to strike down his enemies?

An alarm goes off. I snap out of it. He closes his eyes.

 _Wait, what? What am I doing?_ I knew it, I _knew_ it was a mistake to sleep in the same bed, that much is clear to me. I had a moment of weakness, which – by the way – I am completely blaming on my lack of sleep, and here we are. This whole situation I find myself in right now, is fully self-inflicted. I would've suffered another night of bad sleep, but at least I'd have my desires for Kylo Ren more in check. Now, I have a little taste, a droplet, hardly a teaser, and I'm obsessed. I'm forgetting common sense.

Kylo Ren has a visible change of demeanor. He let's go of me, turns away and I can see the ice returning to his eyes. _Cold again._

The alarm is high-pitched and unsettling. I locate the small speaker in the corner of Kylo Ren's ceiling. The air around Kylo Ren darkens, and his muscles ripple beneath his white skin as he shoots up from the bed, straight to the closet.

"What is that?" I question wide-eyed. Is the ship crashing? Are we moments away from being sucked into the ruthless space?

"It means I'm needed." He states dryly.

I slouch in the bed. Maybe Kylo Ren is bipolar.

 _Watch your thoughts, Ana..._ A dangerous murmur echoes in my head.

"Did you just- "

"Yes."

"Stop it!"

Unbothered by me being bothered, he gets dressed in a swift, methodical manner. In just a couple minutes he has transformed into the cloaked Commander of the First Order, one of the Knights of Ren. He sinks his terrifying helmet onto his head, hiding the most contradicting part of him, (one would assume a disturbed murderer wearing a disguise every time he's outside his room, is horribly disfigured and all around just atrocious looking).

I have the impulse to ask where he is going, but I feel like that's a girlfriend-y thing to ask. So, I keep my mouth shut, curiosity eating at me. Then I also realize, me sitting in his bed, watching "the man" to get dressed to "go to work" is also a pretty girlfriend-y thing to do, so I bolt up and dash to the door of his bedroom, feeling uncomfortable. 

"I'm leaving the ship. You'll stay here." He commands before I get out of the room, sounding mechanical through the head covering. A twinge of anger hits my chest, and I have to cross my arms to try and contain it.

"I am not a dog, Kylo Ren." 

"No. You are a prisoner."

I swallow. That I am indeed.

"Fine," I _have_ to ask. "Where?

"Another galaxy."

"No advising today?"

"No."

Then he stalks out of the room, across the dining room and toward the door leading to the hallway.

"Wait!" I shout, trailing him across the dining room. "What am I supposed to do here? There's nothing to read, nothing to watch!"

"That is not my problem." He snorts, motioning his hand in front of the door and stepping out. The cooler air from the passage fleetingly strokes my face, and then I watch as Kylo Ren and his flowing cape disappear. The door locks shut after him.

 _Great_.

He reminds me of a petulant child at times. I scoff in frustration and turn around to see if there's anything to pass the time with. My contemplation stops at his open bedroom door. _Oh, I know. I'll go through your stuff._

I grin at myself. This is unwise, and I'd never be so rude to someone else, but he's annoying and who knows how long he's going to be gone. And it really is his own fault when you think about it. He insists on keeping me here instead of a jail cell and acts all bipolar, messing with my head. Also, there's literally nothing else to do. The walls are naked, no shelves, no fine art, no wall-mounted-anything. So... I might as well try and learn something about the sulking villain of the galaxy.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

I look at the unmade bed. I wonder how many girls have slept in it. It's either a lot or none I'm guessing. No in between. I'm tempted to make the bed but retrain myself. I'm sure he has people, or droids, who clean. I'm his prisoner, not a maid. Maids get to leave at the end of the day...

The wall-sized closet opposite of his bed draws my attention. I walk to the biggest double doors in the middle of it and open them, just to see black pieces of different layers of clothing hanging. I finger some the material on one of his overthrow things he uses as part of his outfit. It feels heavy and strong. _Does he own anything other than black?_

The rest of his closet is equally boring. Nothing revealing there. I close the doors in the middle and turn my back to it to take a look at his room. Dark grey walls, shiny black floor, closet, two metallic bedside tables and overhead lights. That's it.

I groan. What the hell am I suppose to do? Just out of spite, I won't meditate. Even though this would be the perfect time to practice it. And even if I did, I wouldn't know where to start. I've never actually done it; I've only seen it in the movies.

I jolt as I hear the door open. I hurry to the dining room to see a white soldier coming in, carrying a food tray. I follow the soldier as he sets it on the dining room table.

"Breakfast?" I ask.

"Yes." He answers back, his voice filtering through the mask as well.

Maybe he could give me some answers. I take a step toward him, pretending to be casual. I gaze at the food, taking the bread from the tray. Picking it.

"Where is Commander Ren landing again? I forget. The, umm... The galaxy, uh... What was it?"

"Corellian System." He replies flatly.

Well, that says absolutely _nothing_ to me. Is that... In the Milky Way Galaxy even? I suppose there's no way to ask that without sounding like a moron. Maybe to them, it's like asking is Canada next to the US.

"And what are you uhh, Kyl- Commander Ren, what was – is – the mission today again?"

"Corellian Trade Spine is under attack, we're coming to stabilize it and restore order to the galaxy."

 _Jesus. Do they brainwash them or what?_ Again with the 'restoring order in the galaxy.'

"Of course, restoring order. Right. So, how do you go about it exactly?"

I nibble the white bread in my hands. Take a small piece and put it in my mouth. I'm surprised the soldier is talking to me. Maybe Kylo Ren doesn't care that I know.

"By eliminating the rebels. We've managed to drive them all the way to the Outer Rim territories."

"Right," I gulp. "And by 'eliminating' you of course mean...?"

"Miss, I'm sure you know."

 _To kill._ They're going to kill them. Of course, I knew that. I just didn't want to. Kylo Ren is needed to wage his blazing sword of demise again. Right at that second, the speakers overhead started blaring an automated recording of a woman's voice _'All Stormtroopers report to the hangar immediately. All Stormtroopers report to the hangar immediately.'_

"Stormtroopers?"

"Us, miss." His voice dripping with a patronizing tone, even through the modifier. He starts rushing toward the door and another recording blared overhead.

_T minus ten to disembarking. T minus ten to disembarking._

_Stormtroopers_. That's what the white soldiers are called? Huh.

I have nothing to do again. I resolve to sit on the couch and do what I was taken for. To plan how to defend Earth's autonomy, how to fight for it with words, if it came down to it. I didn't have any paper to write on, so I ended up just devising mental bullet points.

I did that for a couple hours and then I unintentionally fell asleep. I know, because I woke up to Kylo Ren's boots clanking on the floor. Every muscle in my body was sore from the uncomfortable couch. But that was nothing compared to the gut-wrenching pain I got when I saw the blood splatters on Kylo Ren's mask, as he ignored me and marched straight to his bedroom.

It made me feel even guiltier about my attraction to him. What about the people he's killed? Does that not matter to you, _attraction?_ That's right, I'm talking to _you_. Get the hell out of my system, please and thank you.

I sit up on the couch, not sure what to do with myself. Kylo Ren carried a dark cloud of energy with him, and I can sense it in the air. Then he emerges from his bedroom. Again, without his whole outfit. Just the tunic and pants. He doesn't look at me. I keep trailing him with my gaze, all the way across the dining room, and to the bathroom. Then I hear the shower running.

_He's naked._

_STOP IT ANA, RIGHT THIS SECOND!_

Ugh. I shake my head and wish I could get out of here, take a stroll, get some fresh air, jump from the bridge, I don't know. The thought of me sleeping on Kylo Ren's couch while he was murdering people disturbs me greatly. Yet it doesn't seem to disturb my attraction. Does that make me sick? I think it does. 

I slouch on the couch. After a moment, I hear him walking out the bathroom.

"How many people did you kill?" I ask, looking at my hands on my lap. I can feel his glare in the back of my head. A hand grips at my hair, yanking it backward so my neck is craned to look into his dark eyes, hovering tall above me. _Whatever happens, I don't take that comment back._

He kneels behind me, draping his left arm over my throat, while still holding my head still. Kylo Ren's calloused fingers move up and down on my throat, almost scratching the skin. My breathing is shallow. I'm confused. His eyes are on fire again. Is he going to kiss me or kill me? Now his fingers move up to my chin, to my cheeks, gently gripping my face. I gasp, cold sweat starting to emerge.

"Does it bother you?" His voice is a dangerous growl in his chest, barely above a whisper.

"Yes," I reply, voice wavering. "You're a monster."

"Yes, I am."

Silence. We're both breathing hard, tension swirling between us. I can't help but think is he trying to decide when to kill me at this moment. His black eyes are boring into mine, as unreadable as his mask.

"What would you do to make it stop?" He asks, his eyes are studying my face, his thumb moving to the corner of my lip, caressing it, intrigued. Tempted perhaps.

I stare at him back, unable to break away. Air pregnant with anticipation of something that might or might not happen. Something that I'm sure is not only in my head. No way. The way he looks at me, the way his fingers are moving on my skin, the way he possessively is gripping my short hair, it's not just me. He can feel it too. And it scares me.

"What do you mean?" I finally ask, breathless.

"You know what I mean, Ana." I couldn't help but shudder when his deep voice answers, right next to me. I try to hold my breath stable, but Kylo Ren is as unpredictable as a wild animal and I don't know what to do.

So I don't answer. I know what he's implying, but I refuse to understand it. A cramp of terror hits my chest, quite like I've never felt before. And something else, something I'd rather not think about at this moment. He moves his face even closer and turns my head to face him. His lips are parted, and his black eyes are darker than ever. I can feel his warm breath on my skin, feel his hands unsteady on my cheeks, in my hair.

Kylo Ren crashes his lips to mine. He kisses angrily, overpowered. He's holding my head still, and I don't want to like it as much as I do. I don't want to like how his musky clean laundry scent surrounds me and how his mouth tastes exactly like I would expect it to taste. His lips are as soft and tough as I believed they could be.

I find my hands moving on their own, reaching to my left, finding his black tunic, gripping it. Feeling the coarseness, feeling Kylo Ren. I've never been kissed like this before. I've only had one boyfriend in my life and he was a lousy one at that. I feel like I've been missing out, like I finally get what all the buzz was about. I finally get all those millions of books about this, all the songs, all the movies. He kisses me like he is afraid I'd slip through his fingers. He tightens his grip on my hair and I don't protest. He devours me, and I want him to. _I am alive_.

I feel the blood roaring through my veins, I feel my abdomen getting what it wants, I feel my core about to gust out of my chest, I feel the cold sweat collecting in my palms, I feel _everything_. And his smell surrounds me, his hands have enveloped my face, and I overlook my head telling me to end it, push the monster away _._ I vowed to kick and scream. I vowed not be made a fool again.

Instead, I give in.

 

And I'm alive.

 

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

Kylo Ren breaks his mouth from mine, and we both breath with quick and shallow pants. He's looking into my eyes with an emotion I do not recognize. I have a churning feeling in my chest, which I do not recognize either, which I have never felt before.

He adjusts to his full height and I look down. He's standing behind the couch, behind me now. I feel guilty. Like when you flirt with someone else even though you have a boyfriend, like when you do something, and you know it's wrong, but you do it anyway, like when you're drunk and you call your ex. _Like when you let a murderer kiss you._

_You have done it now, Ana._

"I'll have the droids bring us food." Kylo Ren states behind me, his voice a little unsteady.

 

\--------------------------

 

It's night. I'm alone on the couch. Gazing out into the cosmos. I feel a connection to the other room, like an unseen line, pulling. Tormenting. I curl tighter. I can't, I just... _can't_. He made me feel something I've never felt before, but why does he have to be who he is? Why can't we just be two lonely people, on Earth, who happened to find each other.

His kiss taunts me, harasses me. _I want more_. I can still feel the ghost of his fingers trailing on my neck. I close my eyes tighter, feeling I've done something rotten. It's my fucking lonely heart, it's so fucking desperate for anything. Dying for anything at all. I want to claw it out of my chest, maybe then I won't feel this anymore, maybe then I won't feel the pull. I want to drain the blood from my veins so I'll get him out of my system, like some goddamn addict. I don't want this, it's not what was supposed to happen.

I rub my face and turn around, trying to find a good spot to drift into blissful darkness. But it never comes. My mind is alive, roaming through my life, trying to fathom why I have an interest in the antiheroes of my life, trying to get why I got to this point. What have I done to end up here? What am I supposed to do now? The hollowness inside is killing me, hot coals of it scorching in my chest, undefined, just there... burning. Burning brighter than Kylo Ren's sword. 

I lift my gaze and stare at his empty bedroom door, with an agony that's undecided, unjustified and unwanted. I try to suppress it, try to control it. The throbbing loneliness and emptiness and stinging, and just the entire mess. I want him but I _can't_ have him.

The door opens. He stands behind it, shrouded in the darkness. His eyes glimmering in the night, set on me. He steps out, takes long, graceful strides toward me and my breath catches on my throat, all I can do is stare at him back while listening to the tidal wave of my heart's thumps. Getting more and wilder, every pace he takes, every agile move he makes, my heart feels it more. _It feels it all._

I try to look away, I try to drag my eyes off him but like a magnet he keeps my eyes on him, relentless _. I am relentless. I am gone._ And now he's standing in front of me, looking down at me with a strange look in his dark eyes. His black curls framing his face, his pastel skin vaguely glowing. His agonizing lips drawing me in like a helpless prey, like a fish to a worm. The resolution, the will, slipping away from me, gone into hiding.

"I can feel the loneliness inside you." He says in a low voice, and my breath leaves me. He extends his hand to place it on my cheek.

His hand is warm and unwillingly I tilt my head to his caress. To his offer. I close my eyes and want to only feel his hardened skin on mine. I don't want to feel anyone else on my skin anymore. Just him, just his scent. I've never felt this possessive about anyone, it scares me but like in my kitchen, my heart is too lonely to let it overrule.

"I feel it, Ana. I know." His voice is low, barely a whisper.

I open my eyes and he lowers himself in front of me, black eyes wild. My heart stutters.

"Come to sleep in my bed, Ana." His hand is stroking the hot skin above my cheekbone, his hard fingers soothing my burning loneliness, hitting the right spot, just where I ache. Blowing gently on my wound, easing it all away.

I look at him, so close now, and how am I suppose to say no? He's in front of me and I see no coldness, I see the same set of lonely eyes staring right back at me and I can feel the loneliness in his hardened heart. He stands up slowly, keeping his eyes set on mine. He offers me his hand and I look at it. I look at him. And my god, this is it. My guilt can bite the dust. Lord, I'm leaving you for the devil.

I take Kylo Ren's hand and he leads me to his black sheets.

I lay down and he lands next to me, muscles moving underneath his skin, in the pale blue glow of his room. He drags his hand around my over me, to my stomach, and pulls me to him. His strong limbs surrounding me like a snake. My back against his front again and I feel like this is where I belong, this can't be wrong. Not something that feels so right, how could it?

He slides his other arm under my head, gripping my jaw and turning it to face him, inches away from his irresistible lips, inches away from his ever darkening eyes, his hot breath. And the yearning _, the urge_ , is everything that's inside me at this second. It prickles on my skin, swirls with live electricity. And I need him, I want him to quiet the storm inside me and I understand now, at this moment, in his dark room with his gleaming black eyes fixed on mine, he's the only one who can do it.

"I have to warn you, Ana, "Kylo Ren says with a tone that makes me gulp. "The first time I fuck you it might scare you because I am a man and I know how to do things."

I want to reply something but I find my throat dry abruptly, and then he presses his lips against mine and I surrender. I surrender my loneliness, my heart, my body, my everything. He grips me harder, pulls me closer, more desperate, aggressive. Pieces are locking into their right places within me and my guilty conscience has been put to rest by his knowing lips. It'll come throbbing back like puss from a wound in the morning, but right now he numbs it. He numbs it _all_ and I let him. He kisses me like he needs me to fill him with something too, something other than what he has felt his entire life, and maybe, just maybe...

"You're _mine_ , Ana." He growls into our kiss.

I whimper, as his possessive embrace tightens around me, as his mouth claims me, as he drains my mind empty.

"Say it." He demands, breaking away from the kiss, drilling into my eyes. His black ones are wild, not an abyss anymore but filled with the galaxy. He's breathing hard, and I can feel the slight tremble on his hands, as he's filled with need.

"Yes. I am yours, Kylo Ren."

_...I'm in his veins too._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter almost ready to go!! Thank you so much for reading <3
> 
> In the meanwhile, if you're desperate for a Kylo Ren fix, check out HBO's Girls. Adam Driver is delivering pure hotness starting from ep. 1. (His character is basically Kylo Ren irl. It's ridiculous. I lost my shit watching it.)


	13. Chapter 13

 

_I take that back. NOW you have really done it, Ana._

I slept with him. And Kylo Ren was nowhere to be found. I feel conflicted. I don't exactly regret what happened, I enjoyed it and so did he... I could feel it. I've only ever had sex with Jason, so I didn't really know something was missing back then. But after Kylo Ren, I knew _exactly_ what I had been wanting, all this time. What I had needed. Kylo Ren warned me, that he was going to do it like a man, he warned me he knows how to do things. And he was right, _he did._

I feel my cheeks blush, as I think about how completely lost in him I was last night.  He used his powers at times to hold me still, rendering me unable to move, and it just excited me further (which I did not expect, apparently his thing, -- I discovered -- was my thing too.) How he liked to pin my hands behind my back, how he bit my neck and then kissed it to make the pain go away, how he commanded me like I was his to command, and how I reveled in it, how I enjoyed just letting someone else take the lead, and me just a mere follower, doing as he commands, and for the first time I got the feeling that maybe I'm not half bad in bed. I felt _free_. 

I didn't really feel that way before, Jason never really made me excited enough to want to put in the effort. It was all just about him, I realize that now. But he was my first love and I was blinded, I didn't have anyone to compare him to, not even so much as a silly junior high boyfriend, I never got past a third date with anyone else.

I always gave guys opportunities, I was nice, listened to their boring discussions about how they wanted to get into business school, and so forth. But no one really ever truly excited me. Peeked my interest. Made me feel like I wanted to spend all night and then the next day too, just talking. And I wanted to feel something, before I had sex. I only lost my virginity at nineteen, to Jason. He was the first guy who ever peeked my interested. And eventually made me fall in love. But... It turns out, he was so charming it covered all the rot that was inside of him. And I knew relationships are up and down, as they should, but I just didn't know that it's not supposed to be down _that_ much. _And that sex could be this good..._

But Kylo Ren is _so much_ worse than Jason. In everything else, except... well, _that_. A flash of new excitement rushes through me. Kylo Ren showed me what it can be. What I _want_ it to be like. And I feel relaxed in a way I've never felt before, the blood still rushing through my veins, invigorated, alive.

And _extremely_ guilty, again. _Goddamnit, you really just want yourself to suffer, don't you, Ana?_

However, as expected, I woke up to an empty bed. Is he going to pretend like this was all me again? Suggest fucking _meditation_? I'm going to blow a fuse if that's how he's going to handle this. Thank god I wasn't a virgin because this would suck a whole lot more if that were the case. A small stinging hurt was there, but mostly it was anger. Frustration. This whole going back and forth thing with me, it's not going to fly anymore. I'm sick of it.

I hear heavy boots form the living room. I'm about to dart out of the bed when I realize I'm in fact, completely naked. Hastily I wrap one of his black sheets around myself like a towel, gather the rest like a skirt, and hurry on out.

"Hello, miss." The Stormtrooper standing in the dining room says, lowering a tray with food onto the table.

Disappointment turns the knife.

"Commander Ren is on another mission?" I ask, not bothering to pretend nonchalant this time.

"No miss, Commander Ren is on the command bridge. There has been an inciden- "

The door to the hallway swooshes open and Kylo Ren stalks into the room, in his full outfit. He takes his lightsaber from his belt and ignites it. Red glow filling the room and its unstable crackling slamming the breath out of me. I stagger a step back, eyes wide with terror, chest constricting in fear. _What the fuck are you doing, Kylo!?_

"Enough, soldier." Kylo Ren sneers in a dangerously low tone. "Leave us."

"Yes, sir." The Stormtrooper grovels, hurrying out the door. But just before he's about to walk out, Kylo Ren raises his lightsaber and blocks his way with it.

"No!" A shriek escapes my mouth, and I take a step forward, causing the sheet around me almost to drop. I hastily try and fasten it around me tighter. With trembling fingers, I try to tie a knot under my armpit.

"Don't talk to the girl anymore. She's a prisoner." Kylo Ren commands.

I can't see the Stormtroopers expression, but I'd imagine he's sweating under his helmet quite profoundly.

"Yes, Sir. Please accept my sincerest apology, Sir."

"Kylo Ren, please I'm the one who made him talk, I'm sorry!" I cry, hoping he'll spare the poor soldier. Evidently, last night didn't change anything. He was still the same sulking and angry villain as ever, and wasn't afraid to prove it to me. I can only hope he doesn't feel the need to prove it to me so badly, that he'll slay this poor man in front of me.

After a moment, heavy with anxiety, Kylo Ren shuts off his lightsaber and the Stormtrooper hurries out. The door shuts locked after him and I can feel Kylo Ren's angry glare through his head covering.

"Thank you for not killing him." I breathe as I clutch the sheet around me. I cross my hands over my breasts, trying to hide from him. All of a sudden I feel very naked, and not in the way I felt last night.

"Don't be silly, I didn't do it for you. We desperately need all the soldiers we have." He scoffs and walks toward me, menacingly enough that it wakes the fright in my core again. Even after last night, even after all the burning but tender kisses he placed on my bare skin.

Suddenly, I could feel his fingers on my throat, even though he was still at the door. My breathing, I- I can't _breathe!_ I try to claw the skin on my neck but it doesn't ease the invisible pressure around my throat. And then my feet start easing off the ground, I'm being lifted off of it! Kylo Ren stands unmoved, and I realize he is the one doing this. My eyes start bulging out of my head and the pressure starts gathering painfully in my head, turning into vicious ringing in my ears. I'm now five feet above the ground and I'm trying to swallow any air I could get, but I'm granted no liberation for my burning lungs.

"My grandfather was weak. He died because of caring for others. I will not repeat his mistakes." Kylo Ren's modified sound travels to my ears, which I can barely hear over the throbbing roar of my heart. Black spots start materializing in my vision and I realize, I'm about to go lifeless. My lungs are on fire and feel like they're going to collapse any second.

Is this how I'm going to die? Is this how it all ends? _How pathetic. A fitting end, Ana_. At least the sheet around me is still hanging on, that would be even more embarrassing. To die naked on Kylo Ren's floor after letting him fuck me.

I try to talk, to beg for my life, but I'm unable to form any sounds. So instead, my pleads are on repeat in my head. _Please, don't do this. Read my mind, don't kill me, please! I'm not ready yet, I'm not ready, I'm not ready!_

Unexpectedly, the force around me withdraws and I start descending ungracefully on the cold hard ground. I land on my wrist and cry out it agony between coughing and gulping for air like a fish on dry land. I rub my neck and feel the scrape marks tender on my skin. My mind is a fussy mess after not getting oxygen, for what felt like an eternity.

Then I remember about the sheet. My eyes quickly dart down, relieved to see I'm still fully covered from Kylo Ren, who I realize is now stalking toward me. I shriek, which causes me to cough more and try to crawl away from the approaching fury dressed in all black, but he slams me against the ground with his powers, hindering me immobile, yet again. Coughing and desperately panting, I look as Kylo Ren hovers above me in his full height with an emotionless mask evoking thousands of emotions in me.

"There has been an incident on Earth. Your nation's fool of a leader has launched a nuclear missile, somehow effectively obliterating one of our Resurgent-class Battlecruisers."

My eyes widen. Oh, no. _Oh no, no, no, no!_

"Your sovereignty is dead." He states so calmly it sends chills down my naked spine. "I have initiated the preparations for an attack on New York City."

 


	14. Chapter 14

_I have to escape._ I lie on Kylo Ren's polished gloomy dining room floor, and after he stormed out of the room, I realize I have to escape and warn New York City. Somehow. I'm not exactly sure how yet.

Kylo Ren said they will be landing to New York first, to take able-bodied men and train them to be Stormtroopers, and then the murders will fly out to the safety of space and annihilate New York City, my home.

 _"You'll stay here. You shall watch as I abolish all that you love,"_ Kylo Ren had sneered, then slammed the air out my lungs with his powers, _"powerless to do anything... But watch."_

Then the monster stalked out of the room, leaving me gasping behind.

I can't understand how he can go from zero to a hundred in a matter of seconds. He's insane, I know. He is, then why does it feel like this comes as a shock to me? I feel stupid. Like a high school girl who realized that her crush is actually a kind of an asshole. Like the specs on my nose have fallen and my mind cleared. Lust has abandoned me at last and I can see. Of course, I wasn't completely stupid, I knew he was a murderer and a psychopath it's just that... I somehow thought maybe, I could persuade him of the autonomy, he seemed to be taking it seriously, as well as General Hux. And then, his understanding, equally lonely eyes, looking into me, _seeing_ into me, stroking my lips ever so softly, how could I have fought?

Bottom line; you're stupid, Ana. _Stupid._

I gather my determination and my sheet off the ground, and run to his bedroom. I get dressed and I know what I must do. A plan has formed in my head. But _Fuck. Kylo Ren will kill me if he finds me._

_Deep breath,_

_Deep breath,_

_Deep breath._

I can do this. _You can do this, Ana._ I take a seat on the bed to relax my mind, trying to fill it with pictures from last night, so Kylo Ren can't sense my plan. I don't know how far across he can read my mind from, or even if the distance matters, but I figure better safe than sorry. So, I cross my legs and take deep breaths.

I took yoga once, it was something like... inhale through your mouth and exhale through your nose. And focus on your breathing, only breathing exists, nothing else.

 

In...

               Out.   
  


                                In...

                                                 Out.

 

And for the first time, I let my mind submerge itself on Kylo Ren. I figure that's the only thing that can hide all else from my mind, occupying every corner of it. How his lips felt on my skin, how is warm breath made my core jolt, how his sure fingers knew precisely where to go–

_All Stormtroopers, report to the hangar immediately. All Stormtroopers, report to the hangar immediately._

The unsettling recording plays. A blow of fear runs through me, itches on my skin, but I don't let it consume me.

_Now, Ana. Now, or it's over._

I get up and run to the bathroom before I can change my mind. Before my limbs give in to the racing terror in my stomach. I feel queasiness fast approaching. Before I know it, I'm plummeting down the laundry chute in his bathroom, hoping I'll land into a dirty towel pile instead of the hard, un-cushioned floor.

The speed is-- it's _really_ picking up. At first, it was a bit of an inclined descend, but it changes into a bullet straight vertical line, and I'm essentially free falling now. I grit my teeth so hard I'm afraid I'll crack a tooth trying to stop myself from bursting into a full on 80's slasher scream queen. I'm trying desperately to hang onto something on the walls of the shaft, to try and slow down my descend at least to some extent, but the walls are made of even metal with no edges.

To my relief, the shaft turns to the right and begins a tiny rise, reducing the dropping to a more controllable speed. Finally, I come tumbling out and fly straight into a huge pool of dirty towels. I almost barf, so close. I have to hold my breath and think of a flowery field to stop the dry heaving. _Flowers, grass..._ not the horrible stench of old sweat and dampness.

There are countless of towels. So. Many. It's plainly a pool of bath towels. But then again, the ship is gigantic, consequently, the crew is gigantic. They all have to shower. I make my way through the sickening cloths and I achieve to climb out of the quite literal pit of sweat, eventually. I seem to have landed in a fairly useless space since it's empty. Or maybe Stormtroopers take turns in the laundromat, and all Stormtroopers are needed according to the alarm. 

I look up at the thousands of metallic pipes running along the walls and the ceiling, the couple flickering overhead lights, and the wall of washing machines. Then I find myself looking at a droid. Black, huge, with stick-like legs. _Of course._ Why would they use humans when they have robots? The droid hasn't noticed me yet. It's heading to one of the washing machines, pressing buttons.

I freeze for a moment, unable to move. _What am I going to do, what am I going to do!?_ Droids are walking computers, who knows if they have some sort of built-in lie detectors or something. I take a low breath and somehow succeed in moving my legs, even though my legs feel rigid from fear. _The consequences if he finds me...  
_ No, can't think about that now.

Quiet now if I just stay quiet. I can see the exit, it's on the opposite side of the droid and the washing machines. My heart is so noisy I'm starting to get scared the droids have super hearing too. And if that's the case then I am most utterly and irrevocably _fucked_. Just fucked.

But it doesn't notice me. I stay low, silent, crouching on the floors like a bug. Hiding behind banisters and containers, sneaking a peak of the droid every chance I get. But the final part is the hardest. It's unobscured, entirely exposed. Nothing to hide behind. I would have to try and dash quietly to it.

I sneak a look at the droid. Still at the washing machines. Now pressing the buttons of another one. The droid looks creepy. _Okay, I have to do this_. One, final push. I do it before I can over think it. I'm running, suddenly, I'm running and trying to land on the balls of my feet, coincidentally, I'm wearing soft black ballerinas with a rubber bottom. They had appeared in front of the couch at some point yesterday. I figure Kylo Ren must've ordered them too, and a droid had delivered them silently as I was sleeping.

_Well, thank you Kylo Ren. These shoes definitely make running away from you a lot easier._

"Excuse me, "I hear the robot's motorized voice behind me. "Where are you going, miss?

I run faster, not looking back. I have to make it, I _have_ to. Or else the last consolation left in this world, the last thing keeping me away from total darkness, will have been swept away too.

And a lot of people I care about, and a lot of people who I don't care about. Like that bad-mannered Dunkin Donut's worker in my building, but he still doesn't deserve to die. Even if he always does attempt to give me the oldest donut on the shelf.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, Ana & Kylo Ren will find each other again real soon...  
> As always, thank you for reading and leaving kudos & comments! <3


	15. Chapter 15

God, the Stormtrooper uniform is a lot heavier than it looks. And damn near impossible to bend down in. Also, way too big for me but fortunately that doesn't show outside. I'm sweating profoundly inside the armor and grasping on the blaster for dear life. I'm in a steady formation of other soldiers inside Kylo Ren's ship, and praying he doesn't sense my presence.

I knocked the first Stormtrooper I saw, unconscious with a lead pipe I discovered lying on the ground, near some sort of construction site. I hope he didn't die. I felt a sharp pang of guilt as the lead pipe connected with his unprotected neck. I did probably break his neck and kill him, but I had no choice. I couldn't hit him in the head, his helmet was there to protect his skull after all. I tried imagining Alysia, the girl I met hiding behind the dumpsters before I was kidnapped, and how a Stormtrooper had killed her father. That made it a little better. But still, I was no murderer, and my conscience was throbbing unpleasantly.

My timing on the other hand, had clearly been perfect. No one was around since "all Stormtroopers" were commanded to report to the hangar. It does unnerve me a bit since there is _a lo_ t of Stormtroopers onboard this ship _. Do they really need all of them?_

Before I know it, I'm being yelled at to disembark the ship, down the boarding ramp and onto a helipad. I look around realize we're in Bowling Green, the ship barely fitting onto the Downtown Manhattan Heliport. Normally there's loads of tourists lined up to go on their 15-minute ride around "the lady", but now it's deserted.

My spine stiffens when I hear the order.

"Spread out and shoot on sight." A Stormtrooper with a metal colored armor barks an order. I think it's a woman. _Shoot on sight!? Fuck, Kylo Ren! Fuck you!_ An anger like I've never felt before, gurgles up in my gut. Scorching away any fears in its wake, boiling my blood, ironing my determination _. I will do this._

All the Stormtroopers seem to spread out like cockroaches as soon as their boots touch the helipad. I follow suit, except I had a destination to get to. Looking at the deserted streets, I'm just not exactly _how_ yet.

So, no cabs. A weird sight. Rector St. subway station is about five blocks up, I could take the yellow line toward uptown and get off at Canal St. The 5th Precinct would be seven blocks to the east. I doubt the subway is running though. They halt it even during blizzards to be safe, so definitely probably _not_ running when NYC was bombed only a couple days ago.

Fine. I'll just walk the tunnel and hope I don't stumble and get electrocuted by the 3rd rail.

_Lord, please take me back. I'm sorry._

I start walking toward the station, pretending to be on the lookout for earthlings. I glance back and see Kylo Ren descending on the boarding ramp, looking like the fucking grim reaper. I clutch the blaster tighter in my hands and can't help the chills that run down my back. But I try and contain my racing mind to the best of my ability, he did keep complaining about my mind being too loud after all. I don't want him to hear my thoughts screaming amongst all the white armors, he'll spot me in seconds.

Finally, after a few blocks of walking, I see no Stormtroopers in sight. I bolt to a run toward Rector Street station, skipping every second stair and jumping onto the rails of the halted subway tunnel. It's so hot, there's no airflow whatsoever. I throw off the helmet to wipe my forehead. It lands on the rails and I flutter my eyelids, sweat stinging in my eyes. I start walking the dimly lit tunnel, starting to feel claustrophobia closing in but I push forward, _I've made it this far._

After a seemingly small infinity, I emerge from underground and I'm so relieved to see some people walking around. I suppose the evacuation here wasn't as imminent as it was in Bowling Green. New Yorkers are tough as hell.

A few blocks later and I burst out the 5th precinct double-doors.

"Is the Commanding Officer in!?" I cry out, breathing heavily in the doorway. The buzzing police station stops everything they are doing, stare at me for exactly a second, then all of them draw their weapons at me.

I scream and throw my hands up. Blaster cluttering onto the floor. "Don't shoot, don't shoot! I'm not a First Order soldier!"

I stare at them. They stare at me. Some officer's hands are shaking. Couple exchange looks. Sweat drips into my eyes. A fly buzzes by.

"I'm Analise Glover I was kidnapped by the First Order four days ago and they are going to destroy New York City." I barely get the words out, my heart is beating so fast, my throat dry and lungs on fire. I really should work out more.

"Ana?" A voice asks, somewhere from behind all the officers. I try to get a look, but I can't see behind the wall of blue uniforms.

"Ana, is that you?" The voice repeats. Someone pushes officers, they make way, parting like the Red Sea. An officer emerges, wearing a fancy uniform with medals on it. He lifts his gaze up to me and I realize I know him.

"Jerry?" I ask, blinking, my hands still in the air.

"Ana! I can't believe it's you! Everyone, put your guns down, I know her. She isn't with the First Order, you have my word." Jerry says and waves his hand to them, reassuringly. My eyes start watering, seeing a familiar face makes me realize exactly how messed up my last four days have been.

"Jerry!" I yelp and hug him, "Oh, it's so good to see you!"

He pets my hair, and I let out a deep breath. I've known Jerry since high school, he always wanted to be a cop. His father was one and died in the line of duty. He wanted to honor his legacy, always did. We were really close, but then my parents happened and I just... I shut off a lot of people. But seeing him now, _especially_ now, I forget all the missed years.

"Come on, "Jerry says and wraps his hand around my shoulder. "I'll take you to the boss."

We walk through the officers, who are still staring at me like a weird bird among them. A couple is still gripping their weapons, not fully at ease, following me like pray. I walk through the blue, praying I'm not too late.

_I hope New York City still has hope._

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

"I believe you, Analise," A relief washes over me like a tidal wave. "I know who you are." Deputy Inspector Tommy Ng says, leaning forward in his chair. He has smart and sincere eyes, with a calming stability in them. I like it, it gives me a tiny grain of hope.

Ng crosses his fingers above his oak desk, and I allow myself to let out a deep sigh. Jerry's supportive hand appears, patting my back in circles. I can't feel his soothing touch through the damned Stormtrooper armor, but the gesture calms my heart. A little.

"We'll take it from here Analise, you've done more than enough. The city of New York owes you a great deal. Now, Jerry. Would you drive Ana to her home?" Deputy Inspector Tommy Ng says, but a blush appears on my cheeks, palpably confusing his wise eyes.

"Um, I- I can't go home." I stutter, having never felt more ashamed in my entire life. Not even that time when I slipped and fell, landing straight at the feet of my two-year-long crush, and spilling soda on his brand-new sneakers in junior high. No, this tops even that.

"Why?" Ng asks, concerned. Not judging. _Yet..._

"Uh, well, Kylo Ren -- _Commander Ren_ \--, knows... where I live. I'd rather be someplace else."

Ng looks at me, dumbfounded, silent. Then studies my face attentively. Deciding on something.

"Very well then. Do you have someplace else Jerry could drive you to?"

No follow-up questions. _Thank god. I wouldn't make it._

"Ana, you're more than welcome to stay on my couch. It's not a great couch though, I gotta warn ya." Jerry offers and snickers.

"I couldn't I'm sorry, I- I can figure something else out, I'll call a frien- "

"It's no problem, really. I want you to, it would make me feel better."

_But if Kylo Ren finds me, you're dead too. Because of me._

"No, it's fine. Thank you, Jerry." I say and try to sound firm.

"Ana, c'mon. Where are you gonna go? Tell me and maybe I'll believe you." Jerry looked at me with his warm chocolate eyes. He knows I don't really have that many friends. I could try to call Jess, but I don't want her to end up dead any less than Jerry. Anyone I couch-surf with, I would jeopardize. _Fuck Kylo._ Like a little devil on my back. Except not so little. _  
_

"Kids, I don't have time for this. I must contact the proper authorities. If you would, please." He stands up and extends his hand toward the door.

"Of course, sir," Jerry responds immediately and we walk out the door, into the busy prescient. Officers still eyeing us.

"Seriously, Ana. I know you've got nowhere to go." Jerry stops and takes my arm, observing me with a serious tone. He's right. I don't. But I'd rather sleep on the street than get Jerry killed. He was one of my best friends, he was popular but never mean, everyone's friend, that one guy who never made it weird or awkward. Life of a party. I'd kill myself if I was the one to extinguish all of that.

"No, Jerry. I can't. And I do have somewhere to go."

"Really. Give me the address." He says, crossing his arms.

 _Shit._ He's good at this. I mean, it is his job. "Well, I uh, I can't. I don't remember it."

"Fuck, Ana. Just accept my kind gesture and sleep on my damn couch."

"I can't!"

"Don't be stupid, Ana."

"I'm not, I just can't!"

"WHY NOT!?" Jerry yells and the prescient quiets down for a second. He glances around embarrassed and straightens his tie. I feel bad. If I'm going to turn him down like this, at least he deserves the truth.

I step closer to him and lower my voice. "Because Commander Ren has a personal interest in me. He will kill you too if he finds me."

Jerry's face loses its color.

"What do you mean?" He asks but I don't think he really wants the answer.

"I think you know what I mean, "I say and place my hand on his arm. "I don't want to get you killed, I could never forgive myself."

"Fuck, Ana." He exhales, suddenly out of breath.

"So please don't put me in that position. Please. I'll find someplace else, I'll break into some shitty rundown motel, I don't care. I'll figure it out."

"No," He says, shaking his head. "No. I know an empty WITSEC house, not far from here."

"Witness protection?"

"Well you are a witness, aren't you?"

I let out a sigh. I can tell he won't give up on this, I remember how stubborn he could be. And how big his heart was. _Is._

"Fine." I give in.

Jerry's shoulders visibly relax, and he nods his head approvingly. "Good. Jesus, Ana. Okay, I'll drive you there right now. It's pretty basic, but you'll have everything you need there."

He starts stalking toward the door, grabbing his jacket from one of the chairs in front of an overcrowded desk. He throws it on and checks the ammo in his gun. Then puts it back into the holster.

"Jerry, "I say and grab his arm, he turns to look at me. "Thank you. Really."

He flashes a smile to me and I think now I have two grains of hope. _Maybe_ I could save everyone. _Maybe_ New Yorkers are like roaches and refuse to die, fighting for the right to stay. I step out onto the Manhattan street and I don't think I've ever cherished the stink of it as much, as I do in this moment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Next chapter I promise, you will get some Kylo Ren & Ana. ;)


	17. Chapter 17

I've never sat in the front of a squad car before. In the back, _yes_. I might or might not have jaywalked flagrantly in front of the cops one time. _I was in a hurry, okay?_ And I didn't see them, and it was an empty Brooklyn street, so I figured they wouldn't care, but care they did. And I got angry at them for fining me about such an insignificant matter, so I spent the night in jail. The back of that police car had smelled appalling. This was _definitely_ nicer.

"So, what's gotten the devil chasing after ya?" Jerry asks suddenly. We've spent most of the ride quiet, driving uptown toward Harlem. I clumsily wriggled in the seat to remove the white panes of the Stormtrooper uniform, leaving just the black one-piece garment revealed underneath. I figured I'll get shot by someone thinking I'm the enemy fighter, just strolling on the streets of Manhattan in my armor.

"Oh, you know. I'm a sucker for murderers." I reply wryly. He doesn't laugh. He gives me an oh-come-on-glare.

"You've just had bad luck 'is all." He defends and shrugs his shoulders.

"Yeah. One could say that."

I'm looking out the window at the passing buildings and yellow cabs. I crack a window open, taking in a lungful of the smell of New York City. Grease from street food, spilled coffee from running pedestrians, gas from honking cars, cigarette smoke from stressed-out New Yorkers, and garbage riddled streets with rats on the sidewalk. _I missed hating it already._

We're driving up on 5th Avenue, Central Park to our left now. It's beautiful. I think Jerry thinks so too, otherwise he wouldn't willingly drive in this traffic. He lowers his window now as well, resting his elbow out of it, gazing up. Suddenly the car veers to the left and then to right. I let out a shriek and he tries to steady the car, gripping the sternwheel knuckles white. He gazes up again, eyes wide with terror. _Oh shit._

"They're here, aren't they?" I ask, but it's more of a statement. I know the answer.

I roll my window fully down and look up. _Kylo Ren's ship. Fuck. I'm so dead. _

"Jerry, " I start as calmly as I possibly can. The blood in my veins is rushing through my body at a defining pace. "I'm going to need you to drive somewhere underground, or we are going to have to get out of this vehicle _right now_ , and run."

He starts maneuvering the car, flicking the sirens on, "Ain't gotta tell me twice."

"Jerry! Shut off the sirens!" I shout at him and try to shove the knobs near the place on the console where he pressed them on. "They attract way too much attention!"

"Goddamnit," I hear Jerry mumbling under his breath, pressing the right control to turn them off. "We're not moving anywhere with these off."

"Fine. Just pull over right here." I say as I'm already unfastening my seatbelt, and opening the door of the still moving police car. I look up at the direction of the petrifying noise of Kylo Ren's vessel, and witness how the trees of Central Park strain from the airstream of it. Gradually and gracefully the ship begins its descend straight down, wings rising. _Like death itself._

"Jesus, Ana!" He shouts and directs the car, so that the front left tire is up on a sidewalk. Then he hits the breaks, dashing out of the car now too.

"Where are you running to!?" He yells from behind me, as I'm already crossing the street with other panicked New Yorkers. A man runs past me, almost elbowing me as he manically takes puffs of his smoke. I look back and Jerry is catching up to me, fast. _Damn it, Jerry._

I stop abruptly in the middle of the street and turn around. "Jerry, you can't follow me. I'd be putting you at risk, _please_ , just run the other way. Or break into one of these buildings and hide in the basement. I'll guarantee you'll be safer there than with me."

"Fucking shit, Ana. I'm not leaving you, you get that? So just drop it, I'm coming with."

"NO! You can't, I'd- "

"YES, I can, and I will. For fuck's sake, the Commander of the First Order is after you and you expect me to just take it and run like some fucking coward? Ain't happening."

He seizes my arm and starts dragging me off the street, running with me now. "You're going to get yourself killed, Jerry!"

"Well I'm a cop, so it's kinda something that might come with the job description. Now, get your fucking feet moving and run!" He jerks me forward and I start running with him. _Fine_. Clearly, I can't change his mind. And I can't outrun him either, he's fast. So, I guess Jerry's coming with. _Please lord, don't let him die because of me._

"You got a plan?" He asks as I turn the corner.

"68th & Lexington station. It's just three blocks from here." I'm scrambling not to hit other running people, their screams making me anxious, dread raising its ugly head in my gut. I look back as cries start to erupt. I think I hear laser beams exploding as they hit their targets.

Stormtroopers are on the ground. _With orders to shoot on sight._

"The trains aren't running, Ana!" He shouts as I'm trying to catch my breath, but I feel like I just can't get enough air into my lungs.

"I know, but the tunnel is a good place to hide and still get around the city." I manage to shout, in between heavy breaths. In addition, I'm hoping maybe the fact that I'm deep underground, would make it harder for Kylo Ren to read my mind. I don't know if that's the case, but it's the only strand of hope I've got right now.

We've made it now two blocks running, and I'm so out of breath I can feel my muscles getting already sore and fatigued. That gym membership which I pay for but never use, _now_ it would've paid off. Instead, I'm out a couple hundred dollars and still unable to run two blocks. One more block. _One more_. Jerry seems to be doing fine, although that doesn't surprise me. He's supposed to be able to run after people.

The streets are getting emptier by the minute, people hiding in the buildings and some in their cars. I glimpse back and see Stormtroopers emerging from the green of Central Park. They point their blasters toward fleeting people and blue laser beams star ricocheting around. _Chaos_. Just utter chaos.

A hand pushes me forward. "C'mon, Ana we gotta go," Jerry says, a little winded now too.

We make a final sprint, the subway station in sight. _So close_. Then suddenly, Jerry does a soccer-mom-move and stops me dead in my tracks with his hand in front of me, as a truck crashes down _from the sky_. It lands so thunderously loud in front of us, my ears are ringing sorely, and pure panic takes over. I can't think of anything else, besides the fact that a fucking _truck_ just obstructed our path.

"What the f- " Jerry utters, disoriented. People start screaming, havoc flaring up all around us. After a while of just staring at the now smoking truck in disbelief, I realize we got to move. _Right now_. Every last one around us starts fleeting like ants. Now it's my turn to yank Jerry toward a back alley I saw half a block away. I still stare at the truck, not believing what my eyes see, as I'm pulling his blue uniform sleeve to get him moving.

Finally, he does. Jerry turns around unsteadily, and we start running. _Until I see it._

The grim reaper standing in the middle of the 68th street, which is now almost entirely abandoned of life. My blood ceases and I can't even blink. I can't move, my legs won't comply me and I'm not sure if he's doing it or is it just the shock that ripples through my body. Jerry is frozen by my side, undoubtedly not knowing what to do either.

Then, Kylo Ren ignites his dreadful lightsaber, and I feel like passing out. _This is it_. This is how my great escape ends. How my petty, insignificant little life will end. I glance at Jerry, he's just gawking at Kylo Ren in disbelief, possibly refusing to believe that he is in fact, face to face with the petrifying Commander of The First Order. I'm sure he's heard a lot about him. But he doesn't know what's beneath that metal mask. I do, and it makes him so much more frightening. And I'm also faced with an indisputable fact. _I failed to save Earth._

"Ana," His distorted voice comes through, almost echoing on the now forsaken street, "We're not done yet."

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

 

 

_What the hell have I done?_

Kylo Ren raises his crackling lightsaber and points it at me. At that moment, I feel his powers enveloping me, leaving me unmoving. A statue nailed to the ground. Then, in a blink of an eye—if I could blink—Jerry is airborne and clashes against the building wall. He comes down hard and seems to be knocked out cold. _Please don't be dead_. I try to scream, but nothing comes out. I can scarcely take a breath. Jerry is now sprawled out on the ground, and I try to fight against the force field around me but obviously, to no avail.

I _knew_ it. I knew Jerry was in danger by being with me. Why does he have to be so damn persistent! If he had just one uncaring bone in his body, he wouldn't be dead right now. How do I always get myself into situations like this! I must be self-destructive. That's what it must be.

Kylo Ren begins advancing toward me. His lightsaber still ignited, looming of what's to come. I can't help but wonder if death by lightsaber is swift and painless. I guess it rests on the beholder of it. Whether _he_ wants to make it easy or difficult.

He's hardly an arm's length away from me now, and he raises his fiery weapon next to my neck. So close that I can feel the scorching heat of it, hear the crackling of its energy. It looks like the sun and its coronas, fighting, barely stable.

"Did you really think you could save New York?" Kylo Ren's distorted voice asks. His face hidden. "Earth cannot do anything against The First Oder. Perhaps you would be able to obtain minor victories, but you will never defeat us."

"I- I had to try." I succeed to articulate weakly. My instincts are screaming at me to get away from the searing hot lightsaber next to my ear, but I'm confined to stay put. But even if he didn't hold me still with his powers, I don't think I'd still be able to move. I realize, _he's right._ It's an ugly, insufferable truth. They're superior to us, we are mere Chihuahuas trying to fight a Pitbull on steroids. I'm not sure what I expected to achieve with my little escapade, but I couldn't just sit still either, and watch as my home gets blown to pieces.

"We will finish what we started, Ana." He says, turning his blade so that one of the bottom thorns of it is now almost blistering the skin on my cheek. My eyes are searching for his, but I can't see anything but darkness behind the helmet's mesh, which covers the minuscule opening of it.

"What?" I stutter, his words only now registering.

"I was mistaken, " He says so calmly, it sends chills running down on my spine. "I thought my Grandfather was foolish _because_ of Padmé. I realize now, his weakness did not lie there, it was in his failure to _have_ Padmé on his side."

"W-Who's Padmé?" I stutter. I don't understand anything he's talking about. _A Grandfather?_ It's hard to imagine Kylo Ren having a family, someone who raised him, cared for him. I wonder where they are now. If they're even alive. _What do they think of their son now?_ _The destroyer of worlds?_

"I will not be weak like he was. You will be on my side, if you wish to save Earth." He seizes my jaw with his leathered hand, pulling my face closer to his dented helmet. I can hear his breathing through the modifier. I wish he would lower the lightsaber, I'm too anxious to breathe.

"I will teach you of Padmé. And of the most powerful Sith there ever was, my Grandfather."

"I won't be on your side, Kylo Ren _. Ever_." I stutter, trying to say it like I'm not absolutely terrified of him right now, like his lightsaber isn't almost charring away the skin off my throat.

"You wanted power, to change things, make them better, _influence_. I'm offering it you on a silver plate. You can have it all." He tempts me, his voice both silky and hard through the mask. _This is what the devil must sound like._

"You are a murderer, I want nothing to do with you!" I exclaim, voice shaking and wanting to turn my head away from him, yet unable to even flinch. His grip tenses on my jaw, nearly painful enough to bruise.

"I'll save Earth." He says and brings down his saber, turning it off. I let out a profound sigh and only then comprehend what Kylo Ren just offered. _What?_ I say yes, and Earth will be spared? No death, no fighting, just... Left alone?

"We'll still conquer it. But you'll get the autonomy you so wanted."

Well... I- I have no choice then. That's not even a real choice. Of course, I'm going to have to say yes to him. I was already convinced Earth was doomed and I had profoundly failed to save it, the only person on Earth undoubtedly given the chance to save it, and failed. This is my opportunity at redemption, I can make it right. The rude Dunkin Donuts employee in my building can be saved after all. _Jerry..._

"He's alive." Kylo Ren scoffs.

My eyes widen. _He is?_ Then... I could save _everyone_. Jess too. Earth will still be occupied but it'll get autonomy, no more slaughtering or war or fear. It can all end in _me_. In me saying yes to Kylo Ren.

"Yes," I say breathlessly, hardly above a whisper.

Kylo Ren stays silent. His thumb twitches on my cheek. 

"You're mine now, Ana. Only mine." 

I gulp at that. I think I already was, I gave all of me to him that night. I don't want to admit it, and I've already determined that admitting it would make me at least half as sick as the man in front of me is, but if I did admit it, all of me was already all of his. And I think he was mine too.

He lets go of me, releases the power filed around me and my legs give in to Earth's gravity. I fall and cringe as my knee hits the unforgiving asphalt. I look at Jerry. Still lying on the ground. But I can see his chest rising up and down, steadily.

I get up, my legs feeling sore from running and lack of stretching. I walk trembling to him and kneel, wiping the small stream of now almost dried out blood from his forehead. He flutters his eyelids and looks up to me.

"What happened?" He asks, voice rough, causing him to cough a couple times.

"Earth is saved." I say and grin at him. Jerry is undoubtedly having a hard time comprehending it.

He wrinkles up his brow. "Huh?"

"No more war, it's over now."

"Ana," Kylo Ren barks from behind me, "We have to go."

I glare back at him, narrowing my eyes as a way of answering to him.

Jerry lets out a deep groan. "What did you do, Ana?"  
  
I bend down to whisper in his ear, "Something not that bad. Well, a little bad, but I'll be fine." I pat his chest, and a bundle of joy warms mine. _He's alive. He'll be okay._ "He's quite human underneath that mask, you know."

He lets out a quiet laughter that takes me aback. "Man, you have the worst luck with men."

"Agreed." I flash a smirk. "Are you going to be okay?"

He nods, so I stand up. I should go, before Kylo Ren changes his mind and decides he wants to annihilate Earth after all. I help Jerry to stand up. He cringes but successfully stands on his two feet. I give him a squeeze and say _ciao_ to him. Jerry looks as if he wants to say something to protest, but knows better not to. I can be stubborn too. So instead he just gives me a nod.

I walk over to Kylo Ren thank him for saving Jerry. Mabe if I recognize and thank him for the good things he does, he'll start doing them more. I don't know if that'll work on his black heart, but I'll have time to try now. 

"I saved him only because of you." He says, voice unreadable. But my heart stutters at that, it gets that he's mine too.

He starts walking toward his ship, and I follow him. Its wings are peeking above the trees of Central Park, no humans are in sight anymore. Just Stormtroopers surveying the vacant streets. Destruction evident all around us.

"Retreat back to the ship." Kylo Ren barks an order from next to me, and all the Stormtroopers start heading in the same direction as us.

I look up at him, hovering a head taller than me, in his iron mask. This is the man I will spend the rest of my life with, apparently. He has goodness in him, I've seen it. He just proved to me that he is capable of good. He didn't kill Jerry, even though he easily could've. He could've just gone ahead and destroyed Earth, but he chose to save it, for me. Is he capable of feeling love? If he is, then he isn't all gloomy darkness, and he definitely isn't the villain everyone thinks he is.

I will find the goodness in him. Even if it's the last thing I do.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys, I'm in a bit of a pickle. I planned to end the story here, I didn't build a story arch beyond of what's already happened. But I want to keep writing this!! Problem is, I'm not sure how to continue the story. Where to take it. If you guys have any suggestions, please comment below!! I'll read each and every comment and I'd love you forever for helping me to continue this story. <3 I really like writing this. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading in any case! For now... this story is completed.


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